Celebrity

Kangana Ranaut is orchestrating a Cannes red carpet massacre and we are slain

Kangana, can-you-naut?

France may never have been colonised before, but that’s only because Kangana Ranaut didn't attend Cannes until the Summer of 2018. She's shown up and moved in for the kill, leaving no survivors. None. She’s coming for the men, the women, even the children. Aishwarya Rai Bachchan’s title as Queen of Cannes is not safe. Kangana Ranaut woke up, showed up and slayed. It was a blood bath. She wiped our minds clean of every red carpet moment that came before, so we’re pretty sure the carpet runneth red only after her slayage.

Our jaws are on the floor, along with the rest of us. Like a bear rug, we didn’t even know lewks could kill, let alone kill bears. Does PETA know? Kangana must be stopped. Just look at her – but not directly, maybe through one of those glasses you need before looking at an eclipse — preparing for the massacre.

Now look away. This is her checking in to see if you’re still alive:

A post shared by Brendon degee (@brendondegee) on May 10, 2018 at 10:37pm PDT

If you aren’t, to be fair, she tried to warn you:

If you are, she’s coming for you:

Say goodbye to your loved ones, because nothing can prepare you for what’s next:

Please stop. But also don’t:

She pauses to take stock of the damage. It’s strange... do you feel that? That’s life. She’s giving you life. We’re doomed to repeat this cycle until Kangana decides otherwise.

This is how the Grim Reaper shows up, in style. Scythe? Forget the scythe, Kangana will take a tiny bag for the reaping of souls. Those accessories have no mercy:

Actual footage of Kangana attending my funeral:

A post shared by Ami Patel (@stylebyami) on May 9, 2018 at 9:15am PDT

Those poor paparazzi don’t even know that they’ve been administered the kiss of death. What a way to go, though.

It’s become increasingly obvious that Kangana has cracked the code to the Matrix.

She’s the woman in the red dress, we were so distracted by her, we didn’t even realise we had been slayn.