Culture

Other ways to use the new 'period' and 'small dick' emojis

The emojis we've really been waiting for

There's finally going to be a period emoji. If you've been waiting to iMenses in your iMessages, thank Plan International, a children's rights organisation, which has been campaigning since 2017 for a digital reminder that about, oh, you know, 800 million people around the world deal with periods on the regular.

Today, the ruling emoji organisation, the Unicode Consortium, confirmed that a red droplet will be coming to your keyboards this spring. According to Mashable, Plan International spokeswoman Carmen Barlow said that a period emoji "can help normalise periods in everyday conversation" and represents "a huge step towards breaking down a global culture of shame around periods."

I'm all for bodily excretions getting emoji rights. When we have full Spittle Representation, we'll really be on the right track. I think it's stupendous that we'll be able to just text one symbol to our friends when it's bleedin' season, rather than have to type out "NOT GOING TO MAKE IT 2NITE JUS ADVIL N CHILLIN AGAIN YEA IM MENSTRUATIN WHAT OF IT." Gotta admit, that's a win.

Apparently, over 55,000 people were into the idea of a period emoji and supported the campaign. To be honest, though, I can be a little prim. Instead of efficiently indicating that it's My Moon Time™ with this handy icon, I'd rather imply it delicately with such subtleties as, "Just going with the flow, if you know what I mean?" or "I'm being such a BITCH today [winky face]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And anyway, when I look at this wee red drop, I see something totally different. Just like we all thought the Information Desk Person emoji was actually a Rude Bitch Coming For You After All That Nonsense emoji, I predict I will be using the Period Emoji only in the following situations: When I have triumphed over all my enemies, or when Nancy Pelosi has triumphed over all my enemies. I don't need a period emoji. I need a Blood Of All My Enemies emoji.

Similarly, people are out there thinking that the forthcoming Pinching Hand emoji is actually a different anatomical reference altogether:

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First of all, body-shaming of any kind is bad, and if I see you using this emoji in this manner, I will slap your phone out of your hand and sell it on Instagram. Second, it's got much more useful meanings. For my nine aunts, it means, "Wow, you have a surprisingly large amount of body fat!" even though I'm really a very healthy size.

But because us worldworn millennials are incapable of summoning adequate enthusiasm for anything (apart from Timothée Chalamet), we predict it will be deployed when we only want to say: I am a little bit going to do this. The Poquito emoji! The universal sign for "Meh."

Examples:

– r u hungry?

hand 1549463610

– do u like these boots

hand 1549463611

– is humanity doomed lol

hand 1549463612

– r u on ur period rn

 hand 1549463613

Finally! The most helpful emoji of all.

FROM ELLE USA