Like any true-blue Potterhead, we’re nostalgic about the time we stayed up all night to finish the next Harry Potter book. We also can’t help but wonder how different the beloved characters would have turned out if they had millennial traits. At the risk of ruining our precious childhood memories, we gave it serious thought and here’s how we imagine things would go down at Hogwarts.
With ADHD claiming the entire generation, the trio of Harry, Ron and Hermoine find it a little tough to focus on finding the next piece of Voldemort’s soul. Don’t get us wrong, Harry is determined to find all the horcruxes Voldemort created. He really is. He’s just… distracted by all the dank memes on Reddit. And he spends way too much time getting the perfect boomerang of Crookshanks (Hermoine’s cat) and Hedwig (his pet owl). The struggle is real.
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Millennials take their fitness seriously and Ron Weasley is proof of that. He has joined the growing fitness tribe and takes more shirtless selfies than he needs to. He’s also quick to fall for diet fads — his current favourite is juicing, along with eating bowls of kale and quinoa salad. He goes to yoga with Luna Lovegood, who’s as hipster as they come. She greets everyone with a namaste and Snapchats using #YogaEveryDamnDay because otherwise, are you even doing yoga? Ron and Luna also extoll the virtues of going vegan to anyone who’ll listen.
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Hermione Granger is dedicated to advocating the rights of house elves — but instead of founding Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare (S.P.E.W), she’s is a spoken word poet who writes about social justice and equal rights for elves. Her performance videos have clocked in lakhs of views online, and she’s a bit of a feminist icon, complete with a blue tick on Instagram.
Dating is such a minefield in the millennial world that Ron and Hermoine take their time before realising they’re made for each other. Ron prefers to Netflix and chill while Hermione’s phone is going off non-stop with Tinder notifications. Plus, they’re both kind of commitment phobic, which is not exactly helping their case.
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Between insulting Harry and sucking up to Snape, bad boy Draco Malfoy is trying hard to be a social media influencer too. He blogs about men’s fashion and bullies his sidekicks Crabbe and Goyle into shooting the Kiki Challenge for him. Think twice about trolling him though, because his father will hear about it.
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