Weddings can be a minefield for the average single girl. Here’s what not to say to your friend and bride-to-be when she breaks the news.
“Oh no!”
Bury the words. Hide your alarm, show your joy.
“Not to that same person!”
Control your instinct to tell them they’re making a mistake (they probably know that already).
“Oh well.”
Slightly worse than ‘oh no’. Forlorn dejection is hardly what they’d call the ideal reaction.
“Don’t worry, we’ll always be there for you.”
Save your psychic powers in a cold, dark, friend-free zone.
“Okay but remember to keep your bank accounts separate, just in case…”
Just in case what? Don’t answer. Don’t even say it.
“Have you thought this through?”
No you just kind of roll out of bed, and decide it’s a good idea to get married.
“Hmm… was it the pressure of age creeping up on you that made you decide?”
Now you are calling them stupid and old.
“This other friend of mine got married two months ago but he is already trying to forget that.”
Sure, but it will be harder for your friend to forget you said this.
“Oh, what a coincidence you bring up marriage! I was just reading about this girl who chopped and stuffed her husband into the freezer…”
Perfect timing… NOT.
“Chalo, even you finally found someone to marry you.”
And you just lost a friend.
“But luckily that’s still a few months away so you still have time.”
Only you could mix up ‘Congratulations’ with ‘Rethink.’
“Okay but remember, happily ever after is a societal construct, be realistic, enjoy it till it lasts.”
The very picture of joy, aren’t you?
