Having recently moved to a new city and starting a new job, I was immersed in the whirlwind of settling in and adjusting to my new life. In the midst of all the adulting (which is very tough), I realised I had lost touch with my friends from college, and this past weekend, the feeling of loneliness hit me hard. I found myself missing them immensely.
Gone are the days of spontaneous hangouts and constant yapping. Instead, we find ourselves juggling work responsibilities, household chores, and new social circles. It’s no wonder that maintaining close friendships can feel like an uphill battle, especially in your mid-20s. So, how do we successfully navigate adult friendships? Like many things in life, there’s no set book of rules, just a journey filled with ups and downs.
Through my minimal experiences and solid advice from people around me, I’ve gathered some valuable words of wisdom to navigate friendships in our adult lives.
Prioritise and Separate
With limited time and energy, it’s essential to prioritise the friendships that matter most to you. Take a step back and assess your circle of friends. Not all acquaintances have to become your soulmates. Some friends can be companions for just random weekend cafe hopping, while others can be cherished as BBFs.
Communicate Openly
Let’s be real: communication is the glue that holds any relationship together, and friendships are no exception. When life gets wild, it’s super easy for distance to creep in between you and your friends. But don’t let that distance turn into a chasm! If you’ve lost touch with some of your friends, take a deep breath and reach out to them. Have an honest, heart-to-heart about the growing distance. If you’ve all been swamped with work, kids, or life, acknowledge it and plan to stay connected. If there are any underlying issues or unresolved conflicts, don’t shy away from addressing them. Clearing the air can help you move forward with clarity and prevent overthinking. Just approach the conversation with empathy and a willingness to listen.
Remember, your friends are probably feeling the distance too. They’ll likely appreciate you taking the initiative to reconnect. So, pick up the phone, send a text, or get on a video call. Let them know you’ve been thinking about them and would love to catch up.
Keep an Open Mind
Keep an open mind as you navigate new social circles, such as colleagues or neighbours. Small talk can lead to meaningful connections, so feel free to strike up a conversation or respond when others initiate. At the same time, manage your expectations. Not every friendship will blossom into a deep, lifelong bond. Some may be seasonal, while others may remain casual. Accepting this reality can help you avoid disappointment and appreciate each friendship for what it is.
Make time for yourself, too. Sometimes, it can get lonely without friends. Turn the lonely time into something more meaningful. Enjoy hobbies and activities that turn your lonely time into peace and fulfilment. Take that fitness class that you’ve been avoiding or learn baking cookies that you’ve always wanted to do. Keep a journal to write down your feelings when your friends are too busy to be there for you.
Be Intentional and Consistent
Nurturing adult friendships requires intentionality and consistency. Make a conscious effort to schedule regular meetups, even if they’re just occasional. Whether it’s a monthly brunch or a quarterly movie night, having something to look forward to can help you stay connected. Once in a while, spam your friends with messages (memes, too), or if you’re too busy, just catch up with them via video calls. Play online games or share photos to update each other on your days. Technology has made it so easy to keep in touch, and you can use it to the fullest extent.
Remember, friendships are a two-way street. Be the friend you wish to have – reliable, supportive, and present. Consistency is key, so make an effort to stay in touch, even if it’s not every day. After being exhausted from whatever is happening around us, having a cold mug of beer and chatting freely with a friend is what makes life livable again. So, no matter how difficult it gets, take five minutes out to have a small chat and maintain those friendships. But give them their space when they wish to have it. It is tough to navigate friendships while also simultaneously figuring life out. But they are worth the effort!
