Being born a woman comes with a series of STOPs. Red signs that, if we don’t heed, we run the risk of missing out on the fairytale life we could have had, or so society tells us. To un-learn all these made-up rules may be hard, but we have to start somewhere. Slowly undo what we’ve been conditioned to believe, fear that has been instilled in us, simply because we were born a certain sex. Fear of being a certain way that may alienate us from what society expects. So consider this a new set of STOPs.
The STOPs to help you live your best life, whatever that may be.
STOP changing the way you dress because your partner doesn’t understand or feels intimidated by it. If you like an outfit and feel confident in it, own it. Whether that means a risqué neckline or wearing heels that would have you towering over your partner’s head. Whether that means being overdressed for a lunch date or under-dressed for a party. As long as you’re comfortable, be confidant in your fashion choices.
STOP downplaying your own ambitions at work because you’re worried about being considered aggressive. There’s nothing wrong in knowing what you want and going after it. A woman with drive isn’t a threat, she’s an inspiration.
STOP compromising on your needs in your personal life because you want to be liked. Value the way you rate your wants v/s your needs. Put yourself first in matters concerning your own well-being, because you can’t be of help to anybody else if you aren’t helping yourself. A vacation or a trip to the salon isn’t a frivolous way to spend your money, it’s a chance to disconnect from stress and have your mind reset.
STOP comparing yourself to other women. Women in magazines, on television, your sister and your friends. Whether the comparison is in your favour or not, constantly measuring yourself up against other women only sets unrealistic standards for yourself, and feeds the tired old trope that other women are competition.
STOP comparing yourself to your younger self. “ I used to be so thin” “I wish I could look like that again” By romanticising your younger self, you’re undermining the wisdom and experience you’ve gained over the years. Sure your hair may be greyer but the lessons you’ve learned all make who you are. Own your past as part of your future.
STOP saying “I’m not like most women”. In doing so, you’re propagating patriarchal stereotypes without even realising it. Alienating yourself from a certain ‘type’ of woman may help you define yourself, but you’re putting them down in the process. Bond over your commonalities rather than your differences.
STOP trying to fit in. Make your own trends, find your own entertainment, embrace your unique weirdness.
STOP succumbing to your expected gender roles. Helping in the kitchen isn’t exclusive to women. Just like playing sports or liking sex isn’t exclusive to men.
STOP downplaying your sexual needs. If your man’s ego can’t handle it, he doesn’t deserve you. Ask for what you want, stop what you don’t enjoy. Just because he’s done, doesn’t mean the experience is. It takes two people to have sex and both should feel mutually gratified at the end of it.
