How to sound like a Coldplay fan
Issued in public interest
So all your friends have been afflicted by what has now been medically diagnosed as ‘Coldplay Mania’. You, on the other hand, can’t tell the difference between Chris Martin and Steve Martin. Don’t worry, we’ve got you. Before the British band performs at the Global Citizen Festival in Mumbai this Saturday, memorise these not-so-tried-and-tested hacks to sound like a legit coldplay fan.
Memorise the lyrics to ‘Fix You’. Quote soulfully with eyes shut when cornered on finer points by super-fans.
Find a ‘Lights Will Guide You Home’ mobile wallpaper that matches your concert tee. Bonus points for updating your location on FB to ‘Para-para-paradise’ once the show begins.
Casually ask a fan if the cultural appropriation in the ’Hymn For The Weekend’ video bothered them at all. Then sit back and watch everyone within a 10-mile radius argue themselves hoarse. Your work here is done.
When asked which is your favourite Coldplay song, just say the whole soundtrack of the ‘Game of Thrones: the musical’ and scoff condescendingly when they look confused.
Coldplay will perform in Mumbai at The Global Citizen Festival on November 19. For more information, head to Globalcitizenindia.ketto.org