Despicable Me


Despicable Me

Do you have a mean streak running through you?

By Vatsala Chhibber & Sonam Savlani  June 30th, 2014

 

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Compiled By Vatsala Chhibber and Sonam Savlani

Picking on a fat classmate, toying with the lovelorn, sending people to the emergency room. As we cheer on the 10th year of the most iconic teen movie of all time, some of our favourite people revisit their own Mean Girls moments.

I Drugged My Dad- Sapna Bhavnani, hairstylist

One day, I hid a bottle of chloroform under my uniform and smuggled it out of my school’s biology laboratory. We had used it on frogs in the lab, but I had another plan in mind: I decided to use it on my dad because I wanted to go out with my friends that night and he wouldn’t let me. I dabbed some chloroform onto a handkerchief, as I had seen done in Hindi movies, approached my dad from behind and covered his face with it. It worked! He was soon unconscious and I quickly snuck out of the house. The next morning, when he realised what had happened, he was livid. I know that when used in large quantities, chloroform can be dangerous, but luckily, he didn’t get hurt. And I don’t regret it, actually.

I Made A Grown Man Cry- Sahej Bakshi, musician

A couple of years ago, some school friends and I bumped into this guy at a party, who we remembered as a ruthless bully from boarding school. He used to be taller than the rest of us, robust and generally inspired fear, even though he didn’t pick on me. Except he looked different now, more subdued, a shadow of his former self from 12 years ago. We proceeded to have a great time ripping him to shreds, with subtly veiled digs and wisecracks flying all over the place. After quietly listening for about 20 minutes, he got visibly upset and left. I think he was crying. I felt more pathetic about myself than sorry for him, and realised that childish vengeance doesn’t taste all that nice after all. I simply don’t hold grudges anymore – whether the person wronged me intentionally or not. It’s easier to just not carry the burden around with you.

I Created A Madman- Kelvin Cheung, chef 

Years ago, one of my cooks was moving on to a different job. Rather than the ritual dumping of rotting fish water or chicken water on the guys on their last day, we decided to do something a little more memorable. He had one prized possession: his car. He would spend hours polishing it and would proudly show it off whenever he could. So during one of his last services, I told the sous chef to fill in for me, and a couple of us went out and wrapped his car in 10 rolls of industrial plastic wrap, which ended up being over an inch thick – and then in aluminum foil. After service, he saw his car, pulled his knife out and started running around screaming like a madman with customers still around, watching, and of course taking pictures of the crazy cook waving his knife at people. I thought it was pretty funny, but the owners of the restaurant – who happened to be dining with important clients that evening – didn’t feel the same way.

I Stabbed A Classmate- Nikhil Thampi, fashion designer

I must’ve been in the fifth or sixth grade, when I was stuck with a bench partner who was always nosing ahead of me by three or four marks. It drove me insane. He wasn’t particularly friendly so he didn’t make it any easier to like him. One time, he stood up to answer a question, so I held a pen near his seat, and waited for him to land on it. I assumed it would stain his neat pants, prick him at the very most. But then I saw blood – lots of it. And it utterly freaked me out. He had to be carried to the hospital.

I Froze Out A Boy Who Loved Me – Priyanka Bose, Actor

When I was in the eighth grade, there was a boy in my colony who was secretly in love with me. One day, he finally gathered the courage to ask me to ‘go steady’ with him. After a week of movies, milkshakes and holding hands, he asked me to kiss him. I used to pretend that I was really cool and knew everything about sex, but the truth is I was really unsure of myself. He actually taught me how to kiss – how your lips part and one goes over the other – and it was hilarious. But after a while, he turned out to be this boy-band loving creature, who gifted me 14 flowers for my 14th birthday. I was totally put off. I started ignoring his calls and when we moved home, I didn’t tell him. I heard from my friends that he would wait helplessly outside my old house every day, but I didn’t care. After a year of being ‘in love’, I completely ignored him. I feel terrible about that because I was so insensitive, and I’m not that person anymore.

I Bullied A Fatty – Namit Das, Actor 

There was a boy called Deepak in my school, who was podgy, wore glasses and avoided eye contact while talking to anyone. I found him interesting – funny to be honest – because he looked like a nerd, but never managed to score good grades and always sat silently in a far corner trying not to be noticed. Which made him even more conspicuous. At random moments during lectures, all 74 students would begin to chant his name loudly for two whole minutes. And since we’d just learnt the F-word, the chant turned to “Dee-fuck! Deefuck!” This went on for three years, and I was one of the ringleaders. Teachers would pull Deepak out of class and enquire about the incident, but he rarely had an answer. I’m sure he was really embarrassed, but because he didn’t say anything, we got away with it. Looking back now, I really want to find out how he felt during those years and apologise to him. In fact, whenever we have class reunions I often think of him and ask about him, but no one seems to know where he is.