Fashion is broken, and we have Janhvi Kapoor and Kim Kardashian to blame
Forget everything you knew
At some point we all sat down and agreed that Janhvi Kapoor is stylish.
She knows her designers, she’s always on trend and she experiments. At the same time, girlfriend works her angles.
So naturally when this picture popped up we couldn’t help but question everything we know about fashion and style.
That’s an Anita Dongre lehenga with pool sliders. Why is she wearing pool sliders? So that she doesn’t get her feet wet while she drowns fashion? Then explain the lehenga. Like a wedding attendee whose feet are sore from too much dancing, Janhvi has reached into the one-size-fits-all flip-flop bin and gone where no one thought to go before. Please explain? Did we sleep through a trend.
We had just assumed that Shraddha’s flip flops had taken her outfit hostage, but this pairing of high fashion with – what would you even call pool sliders? – seems to be a thing. Is it street chic? Then what’s street style? Up is down and down is clad in bathroom-appropriate footwear.
Even Kareena Kapoor Khan is doing it. Just observe the feet. Getting more and more experimental as you progress from left to right. Beige pump, beige pump, something an architect created with Midas’s touch for Natasha Poonawalla and then bam! Kareena Kapoor Khan in sneakers. She’s wearing a floral ruffled maxi dress with sneakers. Is fashion broken? Should we switch it off and switch it back on again?
To be fair these aren’t the only fashion icons doing it. We’re almost certain it all started with Kim Kardashian. Who pairs denim shorts with heels?
The same Kim who paired joggers with boots.
Is this how people dress now? Flip-flops with lehengas? Heels with sweats? Was this all engineered so that you’ll never show up to any place too over – or under-dressed? I no longer know how clothes work. Is it still one pant leg on at a time? Because the pants are now cycle shorts and possibly on fire.
Or should we blame Balenciaga? Remember when they made those sneakers that were supposed to be ugly? The Triple S. That’s SSS. It should have been called SOS, those shoes were a cry for help.
Yes, they’re supposed to look like that. Maybe they saved us from fashion. Maybe it was some profound statement that we should just wear what we like or something. Ugly is the new black. Ugh, our head hurts.
But it’s Rekha’s head which really should be hurting.
She’s got croissants on her mind. That’s right, Rekha — Queen of all red lipsticks — is now accessorising using a Viennoiserie pastry. Is it us? Do we not get it? Did this pastry come fresh off France’s ovens and become this season’s hottest accessory. Have we been doing croissants wrong? Should I not be buttering it, but wearing it atop my head instead? What if that isn’t lipstick and she’s been using jam all along…
It’s become clear that no one is colouring within the lines and it would appear that everyone is snorting them. The lines, that is. Our first indication should have been when Jaden Smith brought his hair as an accessory to the MET gala two years ago.
That’s right he’s holding his hair. As an accessory. To be clear, this is Jaden Smith, labelled a fashion revolutionary for modelling womenswear for Louis Vuitton… carrying his hair as a clutch. When asked why, Jaden said, “Since I couldn’t bring my sister as a date, I brought my old hair.”
All this figuring fashion is giving me a headache. Better pop to the store to get a Crocin. Let me just get my sweats and best heels on. Better not forget my hair.