Get off the treadmill. Faster. Don’t bother completing that last rep. You, yes you, mid-squat, leave. Your entire workout is a joke to Kareena Kapoor Khan who has mastered the most important fitness move of the decade: The gym face.
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Of course she would never actually laugh at your punch line of a squat because TGF requires minimal to no facial expressions. Oh you with the abs, never heard of it? Wipe that confused look off your face; wipe all looks off your face and that’s basically what Kareena’s Youtube How To TGF video would be.
Kareena Kapoor Khan has spent multiple hours at the gym preparing her face to look this sculpted. Rumour has it that she trained under Kanye West’s non-smiling paparazzi face to achieve the look. Kanye, himself is a black belt in face Pilates and will release his home tutorial, Buff Bone Structure, on Tidal sometime later this year.
But this is all speculation. When we approached Kareena outside her gym for further comment she simply stared blankly through us into the secrets of the universe, so really, we think, she confirmed it, possibly, maybe?
After a thorough investigation of Kareena’s gym face, we realized hints of it started emerging post her delivery of her other gift to the universe, Taimur. But it really started to form some time early Jan this year (much like Taimur), which obviously means it was part of her New Year’s resolution. We approached her about this also, but her cheekbones were to busy cutting through space and time, so we think it means: yes…or no. It was a hard yes, maybe.
What makes the face so special? It’s the Mona Lisa effect. Are her eyes smiling behind the sunglasses? Is her mouth straight or does it have a kick in the corner? Is she hatching an evil plan? Is she bored? Is she indifferent? Does she have gas? Is she now stoic?
The face says everything and yet does nothing. If it were a political candidate, it would get our vote.
The gym face for president 2020. Just imagine that speech. No seriously, you’ll have to imagine it. Occasionally her gym t-shirts will have a slogan on it but it’s hard to say if only her torso is endorsing said slogan because her face doesn’t seem to be on board. Or is it? No? Oh, it is. Maybe.
Whatever is happening, it has motivated us to hit the gym because we think she is gym-shaming us. And also cheekbones. We need her to start an Instagram account with just pictures of her gym face because #fitspo. Regular updates of various face angles need to be posted with a comprehensive description of which muscle group to not work. All of them? Some of them?
As of now we’re only on our first round of straight-faced stares with 12 more cheek-suck reps to go, we think, there’s no structured 4 week plan as such, yet. Is there, Kareena? There is? So, there’s not? Okay that’s a maybe then.
