The biggest lie that Game of Thrones’ sex scenes are feeding us (NSFW)
We know the truth and we won't stand for it
Game of Thrones isn’t known for holding back. Deaths of beloved characters, gory battles scenes and Sam Tarly merrily chipping away at Jorah’s grayscale skin, we’ve sat through it all, live-tweeting our reactions. But we need to talk about the one question that trumps all others: What’s with the bums on Game of Thrones?
Now, it’s not that we enjoy looking at gross bums. But we are compassionate human beings (on weekdays, at least) and our hearts bleed for the normal human bums — ones that aren’t perfectly round and pert, shining like freshly polished apples — which have to sit through episode after episode of no representation.
It can be argued that a show that regularly throws dragons and the reanimated dead at its viewers shouldn’t be held accountable for discounting on butt realness, but the sheer perfection of the derrieres on display warrants an investigation.
A look into the smooth, unmarked world of Game of Thrones‘ bums
There’s no evidence of manscaping being a trend amongst the Dothraki hordes and even though we don’t completely understand the language and customs, we’re fairly certain showering regularly isn’t high on their priority list.
Are you really trying to tell us that when Khal Drogo wasn’t indulging in casual marital rape, he was seeing the local butt aesthetician to tend to his well-sculpted hiney? Yeah, we didn’t think so.
So how do you explain this:
Incest enthusiast Jaime Lannister, AKA the creepy guy you’re inexplicably attracted to, is a busy man. He is regularly invading kingdoms and losing limbs, all the while clad in leather. Maybe regular squats are what makes the Lannister army infallible, but how does a Kingslayer being held as prisoner of war get de-fuzzing privileges?
Jon Snow may know nothing, but he clearly knows how to make his rear view look fly. Brave as he is, we don’t envision the King Of The North stripping naked in the freezing cold for a quick landscaping session. So how in the world are we supposed to take this at face value?
The Unsullied are shown to be warriors who don’t flinch at the prospect of pain. Clearly demonstrated by the fact that Grey Worm scheduled in a full body waxing session between slaughtering his queen’s enemies.
We need answers and we need them now.
While men being held to unreasonable body standards is a relatively new phenomenon on TV, the fact that this practice extends to women warrants little more than a casual eye roll. Brienne of Tarth is portrayed as a career badass who has no time for society’s conventions. So what do you have to say about this?
Same goes for Jon Snow’s one true Wildling love, Ygritte.
Perhaps the lesson to learn here, kids, is that Westerosi or Dothraki, usurper prince or incestuous knight, everyone’s a winner in this Game of Bums.