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How well do you speak dog?

I took the quiz. It’s ruff

By Deepa Menon  December 16th, 2014

It’s humbling to take a quiz about an animal you’ve lived with all your life and score 52 per cent. Growing up, there was always a dog or two in the house. I love the little emotional manipulators and have spent hours with them: walking, bathing, feeding, cuddling and trying in vain to get them to fetch. I took this quiz and realised that maybe they all regarded me as the village idiot. Well meaning but not terribly bright. Here are a few things I might have misread.

1. I took every bark/howl as an attempt at serious communication. With me. I’d go, ‘What is it, boy? Do you hear something? Are you hungry? Do you need to discuss your feelings?’ He started off just yakking at the world and was rewarded with my attention. So he kept doing it. D’oh.

2. I’m good at telling when a dog doesn’t want to be touched — a few cycles of rabies shots will do that — but I may be too much of a scaredy cat. I always assume the dog is more fearful/anxious/traumatised than it actually is. I may not speak dog but I am fluent in wimp.

3. They don’t like being hugged. This means I have annoyed a lot of good dogs in my life and they put up with it like champs.

My middling effort was rewarded with a gif of a judgemental cat — is there any other kind? — striking a dhapli in a slow clap. I deserve that.

Take the quiz and shame me by telling us your score,

Photo caption: One way to bone up on doggie speak is to tail the Dog Whisperer @cesarsway on Instagram