Ileana D’cruz suffered from such bad depression, she thought "what if I just end things now?" Advertisement

Ileana D’cruz suffered from such bad depression, she thought “what if I just end things now?”

The star opens up in an exclusive interview for Levi's

By Shivani Joshi  September 18th, 2017

“I never wanted to be an actor”, says model-turned-actress Ileana D’cruz. “I was a very shy, self-conscious person once I hit my teens, so I was constantly picked on for my body type. My entire goal was to be accepted by everyone, and I never got it. So that just made it worse.”

The Barfi actress may be setting standards for Indian beauty now, but she admits she didn’t always have the courage to embrace her body image the way she does now. Now an ambassador for Levi’s #IShapeMyWorld movement, which kicked off with Huma Qureshi last year, Ileana joins the ranks of unstoppable women who shape their world on their own terms. The actress, who has been battling body dysmorphic disorder, depression and anxiety for over 15 years, knows that for anyone who thinks they’re not the ideal body shape, it becomes a constant argument within yourself to have a figure that is accepted by others.

Being part of an industry that is so competitive, it became all the more difficult to deal with. Approximately three years ago, dealing with the pressure of looking good all the time, resulted in her falling into a depression, without actually realising what she was suffering from. Ileana says, “Not knowing what it was, the most comforting thought for me was, ‘what if I just end things now?’” Luckily, she was able to find a way through it, starting with acceptance. She says, “When they told me ‘you are going through depression’, there was an acceptance that came almost immediately. It’s one of the biggest steps you can take towards change. You’re human, you’re not meant to be perfect. You’re meant to be flawed.” 

Today, she refuses to give in to her illnesses and has successfully made her mark in the industry without allowing anything to bog her down. “I don’t care if I fail again, I just want to keep pushing and keep trying to be the best version of myself.”

Ileana D’cruz opens up about battling body image issues: