The internet’s obsession with Janhvi Kapoor’s water bottle is why we fear for the human race
That’s it. How does one delete the internet from your phone? From now on, phones will only be used for cellphone purposes: avoiding phone calls with “In a meeting” texts and fake-scrolling to avoid making eye contact with people in lifts. No more stalking. Stalking is cancelled. In another devastating blow to the human race, we’ve discovered a fan page dedicated to Chuski. Who? Janhvi Kapoor’s water bottle.
The bottle has a name, the bottle has a fan page, the bottle has a following and it probably has a hectic social life. This isn’t your run-of-the-mill water bottle, it’s not something you leave in Lost & Found just to find 12 other girls who all have relatives who conform to gender stereotypical gifting who bought them the same pink sparkly designer hydrator.
This magazine thinks it’s an accessory and weirdly, people seem into it. At 940 followers, this fan page isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but the fact that there is a section of society fan-girling over a water bottle makes us really stop and drink about some of the life choices we’ve made. What’s so special about this bottle anyway?
Is it designer? Is the water blessed by unicorns? Does it quench the thirst Janhvi’s co-star Ishaan unleashes in teenage girls?
We’re starting to see Chuski’s appeal.
The account details Janhvi’s use of her water bottle — from the bottle’s perspective. Janhvi loves her bottle, Janhvi’s fans love her, so they gave the bottle a social (media) life. And while no one’s buying the rights to the movie anytime soon, you can bet your parched posterior that this cylindrical vessel is the hottest in kitchen couture.
It’s literally my first day of college and literally my first time ever of staying at a hostel and genuinely I can’t stop missing home but also i hope I don’t die here literally hoping not to lose my sense of humour because of sadness but I mean I’m not really sad I’m just like adjusting you know what I mean? I don’t know where that rant came from but I love @janhvikapoor so much and it’s all that matters. Also can we appreciate the fact that I’m in Maharashtra too and literally so close to Mumbai I’m crying [update I made cute friends I’m less scared my sense of humour and happiness are doing just fine new memes coming your way v soon]
There are memes for when they haven’t spotted Janhvi with Chuski for an extended period of time.
There’s a video montage of all the good times Janhvi and Chuski have had together. It’s like a wedding video, except there’s more romance.
It’s a water bottle. Looks like it holds a litre tops, but apparently, it gets jealous of lesser water bottles if they come into contact with Janhvi.
It’s weird but we can’t help but wonder…are we missing something? Jahnvi seems pretty into this full thing too:
Are the paparazzi going to start taking shots of just this bottle? Is Chuski the new Taimur?
We can see the Insta posts now:
Here’s Chuski caught in a compromising position. Celebrity kids these days #H2N0.
Can we even call Chuski a water bottle? She’s so pimped out, there must be another word we can use. An aqua vasé? Hydro Home?
Chuski retails for a cool $26, that’s Rs 1,700 approx on Shopbop. You could also just not drink water from a bottle that looks like Manish Malhotra styled it, but you do run the risk of death by dehydration. Is the allure of the bottle comparable with Indian moms and their love for dabbas? Is this something we’ll only realise when we become millennial actresses?
Sure, the bottle has a great personality but we’re not quite sure if it deserves a fan page. Though we’re tempted to hit follow just to see where its career will end up. Will it be discarded or recycled and any words on whether Taimur’s sippy cup is its illegitimate love child ?
Well, we know that Janhvi seems well hydrated, so at the very least, Chuski is doing her job.