Like King Midas of the digital age, whatever Kim Kardashian touches turns to internet gold. The multi-million dollar machine has turned the naked selfie into an art form, launched the careers of designers and beauty professionals alike, and ensured every minor brain wave that passes through that perfectly coiffed head adds to her millions. Which is why her latest public outing has us petrified.
Let’s begin by saying we have no idea how to describe this new look. Couture cargos? Shiver-me shorts? Camou cringe?
Not only has Kim rummaged through her husband’s wardrobe and spirited away one of his camouflage cargo pants, she was clearly mad at him for something because what else explains those hacked-off hemlines?
In the ultimate F*@k you, she decides to step out in public—in glitter heels, no less—subliminally telling the world who no longer wears the pants in that house. That poor bodyguard, he looks more terrified than a Stark at a royal wedding.
Dear Kim, please understand your responsibility towards us mere mortals. What are we to do when your legion of followers decides it’s ok to assault our senses with me-too copies? What happens when Target decides to add this monstrosity to their next collection?
Kanye West, swallow your pride and make this right, man. The fate of the fashion world depends on you.