Men in long-term relationships lose interest in sex faster than women Advertisement

Men in long-term relationships lose interest in sex faster than women

It's a rise and fall, pun intended

By ELLE team  May 15th, 2018

Miss the hot, steaming sex that a new relationship brings? Well, it turns out you’re not alone, gurl. According to a new study, men who have been in long-term relationships tend to get tired of sex faster then their female counterparts. That’s not to say they’re tired of sex, it’s just that their fascination with it tends to dwindle over time. According to the study conducted at the University of Kentucky a man’s desire for sex is as complicated as female’s (who knew?!).

“We expect male desire to ­always be high and to be simple, like an on and off switch, while we expect women’s desire to be a complicated switchboard, but they are both complex,” says Kristen P. Mark, associate professor of health promotion and director of the Sexual Health Promotion Lab at the University of Kentucky.

To lay it all out, men feel pressure to initiate sex; we can thank whatever archaic gender roles dictated this expectation as a norm. The stress to be the initiator compounds. That is to say, if a man hasn’t made a move in a while, he may feel he has to out of some social obligation to his partner even if he’s just not feeling it. This breeds a sense of insecurity, which in turn affects performance. It’s a vicious cycle.

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The study also pointed out that aside from the pressure to always be ready for sex, worrying about loss of freedom is another big contributing factor. Freedom in the sense that the decision to have sex is more of an expectation now than the result of desire. Physical changes that also take place over time may cause a drop in libido, which add to the fear of losing autonomy.

But don’t hold a funeral for your sex life just yet; experts say the problem can be solved.

It starts with accepting that men, not just women, don’t want sex all the time. That is bound to take some pressure off the situation. Be sure your partner understands this as well as you do and doesn’t feel obliged to conform to gender stereotypes. 

Have sex for the right reasons. Many couples have sex to avoid fights, out of obligation, despite the mood. Having sex to increase intimacy not only improves the quality of the deed but also the result.

Relieve some of the stress. Sure there’s no better reliever of stress than sex, but we’re not talking about a short-term fix. Take some pressure off in other aspects of your relationship that could help boost your partner’s self esteem and affect their libido positively.

Do non-sexual things with your partner. Creating an intimate environment in the bedroom that helps take your partners’ mind off their troubles and also strengthens your bond.  

Sex toys to include in your bedroom games

Sqweel 2, Oral sex simulator

If the only way you’ve managed to climax is via oral sex, then the Sqweel 2 is going to be your new best friend. Honestly, we’re as disappointed as you to find out we missed the Sqweel 1 but we’re just happy we made it in time to discover this beauty. The Sqweel 2 features a revolving wheel fitted with 10 lapping silicon tongues — that’s nine more tongues than any human we’re aware of. The toy also has 3-speed settings for you to mix things up. 

Get it here

Infiniti clit and G spot vibrator

It may be expensive, but the Infiniti clit and Gspot vibrator is waterproof up to one metre. Can you say the same about your iPhone? The dual simulation vibrator is rechargeable and comes with five different modes of pleasure. The waterproof factor paired with the fact that it operates silently will make you forget about memes in the bathtub.

Get it here. 

Ero stimulating clitoris spray for women

Your orgasm now has the most efficient personal assistant. Most women don't manage to reach an orgasm because of improper clitoral stimulation. Ero's active agents help activate the blood flow to get things going. The spray acts as a boost to help stimulation and intensify all sensations. Think of it as a support system for your fulfilment. This little 50ml spray honestly just wants the best for you.

Get it here.

Womanizer PRO40 clitoral sucking vibrator

This is a first of its kind. The revolutionary vibratory uses Pleasure Air Technology to stimulate the clitoris, that means you can climax without even touching the sensitive area. The gentle vibrating and sucking quickly heightens the sensation of pleasure. For women with an overly sensitive clitoris, this may be the answer to over-stimulation. The technology allows for a powerful orgasm without the vibration or sucking sensation and is perfect for women who wish to have multiple orgasms with minimum effort. 

Get it here.

Bondage set in leopard print

Having trouble channelling your inner animal? This eight-piece leopard print bondage set might be of some assistance. Aside from the fact that you get to play dress-up, putting a little extra effort into your sex life can only translate into good things and get you in the mood for things you normally wouldn't try. The kit comes with a blindfold, handcuffs, a leather collar, a leather whip, a gag, a harvest shock whip, a cross belt and nipple clamps.

Get it here 

Kheper Games Kama Sutra Couple Game

Board games to keep you from getting bored in the bedroom. The Kama Sutra couples game allows you and your partner to mix things up in the bedroom. Pick a card each week and follow the instructions. As the cards progress, the sex tips become more advanced. This isn't just a game, this is your guide to upping your experience in bed. 

Get it here.

Shunga Massage Candle

There's nothing more important to having an enjoyable sexual experience than getting in the mood. Why not light a candle and give — or have you partner give you — a sensual erotic massage? That's exactly what Shunga's erotic candles are for. The soy-based candles can be used both to create ambience or as a massage oil. The candles are packed with essential oils that release pleasant aromas when lit. The wax melts into lukewarm oil which can be used to massage the skin. Go ahead, treat yourself and your partner. 

Get it here.