Miss the hot, steaming sex that a new relationship brings? Well, it turns out you’re not alone, gurl. According to a new study, men who have been in long-term relationships tend to get tired of sex faster then their female counterparts. That’s not to say they’re tired of sex, it’s just that their fascination with it tends to dwindle over time. According to the study conducted at the University of Kentucky a man’s desire for sex is as complicated as female’s (who knew?!).
“We expect male desire to always be high and to be simple, like an on and off switch, while we expect women’s desire to be a complicated switchboard, but they are both complex,” says Kristen P. Mark, associate professor of health promotion and director of the Sexual Health Promotion Lab at the University of Kentucky.
To lay it all out, men feel pressure to initiate sex; we can thank whatever archaic gender roles dictated this expectation as a norm. The stress to be the initiator compounds. That is to say, if a man hasn’t made a move in a while, he may feel he has to out of some social obligation to his partner even if he’s just not feeling it. This breeds a sense of insecurity, which in turn affects performance. It’s a vicious cycle.
The study also pointed out that aside from the pressure to always be ready for sex, worrying about loss of freedom is another big contributing factor. Freedom in the sense that the decision to have sex is more of an expectation now than the result of desire. Physical changes that also take place over time may cause a drop in libido, which add to the fear of losing autonomy.
But don’t hold a funeral for your sex life just yet; experts say the problem can be solved.
It starts with accepting that men, not just women, don’t want sex all the time. That is bound to take some pressure off the situation. Be sure your partner understands this as well as you do and doesn’t feel obliged to conform to gender stereotypes.
Have sex for the right reasons. Many couples have sex to avoid fights, out of obligation, despite the mood. Having sex to increase intimacy not only improves the quality of the deed but also the result.
Relieve some of the stress. Sure there’s no better reliever of stress than sex, but we’re not talking about a short-term fix. Take some pressure off in other aspects of your relationship that could help boost your partner’s self esteem and affect their libido positively.
Do non-sexual things with your partner. Creating an intimate environment in the bedroom that helps take your partners’ mind off their troubles and also strengthens your bond.
Sex toys to include in your bedroom games