Psychopaths and narcissists remain friends with their exes, finds study


Psychopaths and narcissists remain friends with their exes, finds study

Putting the 'ex' in exploitation

By ELLE team  August 1st, 2017

If your throwback with your ex-boyfriend is reserved for more than a Thursday, you may have some serious mental issues, according to a new study from psychologists at Oakland University. That’s right, entertaining that dude who broke your heart is a sign that you possess darker personality traits than your Instagram bio is letting on. The study surveyed 861 people on how they got along with their exes, and the odds are not in your favour.

Being friends with your ex is linked to narcissism, duplicity and psychopathy. So before you start going around with the ”it’s over but we’re still really close” shpiel, you may want to say your goodbyes and cut your ties. The study declares that people stay friends with their exes for strategic reasons, and tend to have more short-term relationships as a result. For men, pragmatism and sexual access were rated slightly more important, implying that they weren’t looking for a nurturing relationship, but one where the other person proves to be useful in times of need.

For narcissists, the benefits may extend to social value or status. That is, determining your worth by your exes. It might also be a case of pride, since you don’t want to see other people with your ex. We recommend eating a tub of ice cream salted with your tears while watching The Notebook, instead of hanging out with your first boyfriend and his new significant other. And the next time he blows up your phone, may be just ignore the call and get a cat instead.

Truths about love you won’t find in a Hallmark card


Adele doesn't care about 'feminine mystique' and society's conventions about beauty. Her thoughts on shaving her legs for her partner Simon Konecki pretty much corroborate the fact. In an interview with Vanity Fair she said, "He has no choice,” adding, “I’ll have no man telling me to shave my fuckin’ legs. Shave yours.” If this isn't one of your #RelationshipGoals, then we don't know what is.


Akshay Kumar and Twinkle Khanna's 16-year-long marriage is a veritable gold mine for relationship advice. One of the things that makes them tick, according to Twinkle Khanna, is the difference between them. "Our ideologies are very different. The things that we talk about are very different. But we look up to each other for our different abilities. I do point out things in his films that, as a man, he might not pick up on. But he’s then free to do what he wants with that information. It’s the same the other way around.” 


Beyoncé's refusal to delve deep into her personal life has helped in creating an almost goddess-like reverence from her fans. She admits that it's a decision both she and Jay Z took together. "We decide everything. What Jay and I have is real. It's not about interviews or getting the right photo op. It's real."


Chrissy Teigen might turn her Twitter trolling chops on John Legend at times, but there's no denying that the two are pretty much flawless together. But even theirs is not a 'love at first sight story'. Legend spoke to LA Confidential about Teigen saying, "I wasn't like, ‘This is the woman I'm going to marry' from day one. For me I'm the kind of person who needs to grow into that feeling. It was probably a couple of years in when I could already see us being together forever."


On their 16th wedding anniversary, David Beckham explained the secret of their marriage. "We’ve been together for 18 years, we’ve been married for 16 years. So you trust each other’s judgment. I think that has worked for us."


On the importance of finding the kind of love that is real, Ellen DeGeneres told People magazine, "Portia and I constantly say to each other, ‘We are so lucky.’ Sometimes it’s lying in bed at night before I go to sleep, and I just say thank you to whatever, whoever is out there,” she added, “I’ve gotten to a place where I really am just settled. Really. I know that I’m not going anywhere. She’s not going anywhere. I’m not saying the relationship took a while; I’m saying in my life, it took a while to find this.” 


When rumours of a split between long-term partners Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar surfaced, Gellar cleared the air saying, “You have to work at anything. It’s any relationship in your life. You have to nurture it and take time with it.”


Gigi Hadid recently went on The Ellen Show and talked about how she met Zayn Malik. "He was in New York to come to the Victoria's Secret show last year, I think, and ended up not coming. And I was like, I'll play it cool. Like, I'll go to the after-party. He wasn't there. And then later that week we ended up going on our first date," she revealed, "We played it cool for like ten minutes, and then I was like, "You're really cute"."


With the whole Taylor-Kanye-Kim Snapchat controversy, Kim Kardashian proved that she will take down anyone who tries to harm her bae. Savageness and mutual self obsessed-ness aside, Kanye revealed why exactly he loves Kim in an interview with a men's magazine. "Kim is this girl who f–king turns me on,” he confessed, “I love her. This is who I want to be next to and be around.”


Saif and Kareena are basically as close as we get to royalty, so the fact that their relationship is under scrutiny at all times comes as no surprise. When Kareena was promoting her 'gender role reversal' in Ki and Ka, she talked about the parallels of that in her marriage with Saif, saying that it was paramount that she continue to work after marriage and for Saif to support her ambitions, no matter what. "That is the only condition (on which) I married Saif," Kareena admited.


Shahid Kapoor caused a nationwide stir when he went on Koffee With Karan and defended his arranged match with the much younger Mira Rajput. "I'm a huge supporter of this arranged marriage format, because I think the graph is much better. The process of falling in love happens after you're married, " he added, "It's unlike a romantic relationship where you always feel like the peak of love was in the beginning. And later you're left wondering 'When will those days come again?'"


Shah Rukh and Gauri Khan's marriage has almost completed 26 years. While their tight-lipped secrecy about their private lives might be one reason, Shah Rukh Khan attributes parenthood to the longevity of their relationship. "Gauri and my relationship have been geared entirely towards raising our children. That's what eventually happens. Parents become parents at one point and that changes it all. We have a badass 18-year-old, a dainty 16-year-old and then there's the 3-year-old little gangster. Our conversations, our life together is through the prism of our children. They've been our focal point and have literally kept our world intact,” he said.


Matt Damon has some rather odd thoughts on love and marriage. “I think marriage is insane. It’s a crazy idea but I love being married to my wife. So I wouldn’t tell anybody else anything about their relationship.” OK then.