Tried and tested: Butt facials

Buttyliscious by Lakme Absolute Salon

Process: Butt facials are disconcerting things if getting your rear lingeringly tended to is something you prefer from a loved one. But you get over the reservation quickly with the gentle buzzing of the skin polishing apparatus as it exfoliates and deep-cleanses the dry, uncared for skin on your posterior. The 45-minute ritual goes on to include a slow, (incredibly comforting) massage with seaweed extract. It ends with the liberal spraying of mineral water to hydrate the now-quite-supple area. You and the specialist now have a bond that can never be broken.

Results: I’m usually up for a massage of any kind, results be damned, but my butt actually did feel smoother. Don’t expect to see a huge difference after just one sitting though, especially if you have butt aches like acne and pigmentation – you’re advised to do these every 15 days to start with to rid your butt of its problems before you head towards The Kardashian.

Photograph: Tarun Khilwal