What your coffee order says about your fashion-girl personality

It’s almost a given that coffee is a pretty big part of our lives. Whether it’s weekend coffee runs at our local cafés, or via our favourite barista who knows our orders by heart, caffeine rules the world.

So it makes sense that our coffee orders — discovered after much trial and error, and the source of both pride and shame — can tell you a lot about us. Between milks and mylks, your sugar content and how you like your dairy frothed, there’s a lot to be gleaned from what’s inside your cup.

Let’s make some sweeping generalisations and find out what your order says about you.

If you drink lattes, you’re a bit of a basic bitch and proud. Because what’s better than a frozen aperol spritz in Bondi? Your style is best described as ‘classic’ and you lust after Valentino studded flats, and a good white button-up shirt. Ballet buns are your everyday bread-and-butter. You also like to pretend you don’t care about the foam design on the top of your coffee… but you do.

Flat white-drinkers are no-nonsense—coffee is fuel, not always a treat. If you drink flat whites, you probably jog as exercise and keep a regimented calendar for both work and play. The flat white crowd live in straight-cut blue jeans and the perfect white tee you spent five years finding, and are very into cute flats. You’re pretty funny, but you get easily annoyed by lame internet trends.

If you drink mochas, you regularly watch Disney movies and can belt out a Disney song with no preparation. You own at least two pairs of converse (low-top, if we had to guess), you have a cute phone case on your iPhone (our bet: Stella McCartney’s rainbow one) and you have, at one point in your life, binge-watched Riverdale. You’re very in favour of the statement ‘going out’ top, and you’re never afraid of a little glitz.

The piccolo crowd are very Type A. Liable to order salads at dinner and wear six-inch heels even when not strictly necessary, you also have a very full (some might say, too full) social schedule, and you hate being late. Most often seen in activewear (even when not exercising) and speaking a mile-a-minute on the phone.

If you drink long blacks, there’s a high chance you use a lot of sarcasm in your day-to-day conversation. You retain a sense of superiority over your milk-drinking brethren, and you’re not a morning person. You own at least two well-tailored suits or skirt-suits, and you’re the type to buy three slight variations of the same thing because, you know, variety. Your wardrobe is very minimalist and very chic.

Espresso people are just a little bit too busy. You always own the latest It-accessory (currently? A Gucci Dionysus bag and Valentino sneakers) and you definitely own a good leather jacket. You can also be pretty ruthless when it comes to your personal life and work. You watch cult shows and order takeout more than you should, which balances out with regular Pilates classes.

If you drink almond milk, you have at least one expensive designer handbag, and you’re also probably gluten-free. Almond-milk drinkers don’t wear a lot of colour, and prefer to text than talk on the phone. Although you are a health paragon during the 9-to-5, you really let loose on the weekends, because wine-calories don’t count if you’re pool-side.

Soy milk people definitely own at least three pairs of cool sneakers (accepted varients: Vans, Airmaxes, Gucci sneakers, or Common Projects), and are more likely to be seen with a messy bun than a blow-out. Soy drinkers also have a tendency to tell people that they buy books over using a Kindle because “they like holding a proper book,” and say they don’t like reality/trash TV but know every single piece of gossip.