On the surface, weddings are a joyous celebration of love and happiness, an excuse to dress up and dance the night away, but they can also prove unsettling and unnerving. Once the joy of the save the date has passed, thoughts quickly arrive on the matter of costs, friends moving on to new chapters and an influx of social anxiety of a day spent amongst strangers and small talk, especially if you’re heading there solo.
Going to a wedding alone (we’re talking actually single here, not just that your S.O is on a stag do on the same weekend) can be complicated. Who will you sit with at the church? Who will you travel to the location with? And what’ll happen if you draw the short straw and end up on the ‘single table’ a journey away from your friends on the other side of the marquee?
These are all valid concerns that can overshadow the singular desire to celebrate your friend or family member as they enter their journey into matrimony. Should you find yourself in this situation soon, fear not. We’ve spoken to the experts to understand some practical, applicable advice that will help you reconfigure your perspective to make the most of the occasion (we all know weddings are more than a one-day affair at the moment) and feel happy in the moment, as you are, where you are.
Reframe Your Narrative
‘Instead of dwelling on being alone, see it as an opportunity to connect with new people or enjoy some me-time,’ says life coach Gemma Perlin. ‘The quality of our life is determined by the questions we ask ourselves. Ask yourself: “What exciting possibilities could unfold at this event?” It doesn’t matter if you feel skeptical about this, the question itself activates our unconscious mind and starts a positive shift. Say that question out loud now as you read this and see what happens!’
‘It’s totally natural for weddings to bring up a feeling of ‘why not me’ and I think there’s power in normalising that,’ adds Vicki Pavitt, a love, dating and relationship coach. ‘Release any judgement if that mindset is coming up for you and be kind to yourself when feelings of comparison are being triggered. Trust in the timing of your love story and focus on gratitude for all that you have in the present and all that is possible for you in the future.’
Challenge Any Limiting Beliefs
Naturally, a general uneasiness on the nature of questions that will come your way on the wedding day can feel like one of the bigger hurdles to climb. “Where’s your plus one? Anyone special in your life yet? Are you courting?” — all familiar to anyone that’s ever gone anywhere alone. What they also bring with them is intrusive thoughts that can easily lead to a spiral.
As Pavitt agrees: ‘Weddings, by their very nature highlight romantic relationships and societal milestones, which can trigger comparison and make you feel like you’re somehow incomplete or behind in life if you happen to be single. Many people worry about (often well-meaning) friends or family members asking questions about their relationship status and offering unsolicited advice, which can feel intrusive and isolating. Weddings can also stir up emotions about past relationships and fears about the future and that emotional vulnerability can make the idea of going to a wedding solo feel incredibly daunting.’
‘Reframe them with empowering statements like: “I’m here to celebrate love and maybe make some new friends or learn something about myself today I don’t even know I don’t know yet,” advises Perlin.
Talk to Your Friends
Though your friends will inevitably be swept up in their wedding plans, they’ll want to make sure that their guests — you included! — are going to have an enjoyable time. Talk to them about your reservations or concerns, whether it’s financial costs or seating plans that are causing you the biggest insecurities.
If you’re the bride reading this then Pavitt has some advice, too. ‘Create a culture of inclusivity where all guests feel valued,’ she tells. ‘Little things can go a long way, such as checking-in with your single guests in the run up to the wedding and accommodating needs and preferences where possible. This will help your guests to feel seen and valued.’ Not having a singles table is a great place to start and opening up the options of plus ones for singles should be able to too.
Find An Anchoring For Calm
As the day draws nearer, you might also want to start thinking of body signals that can help you find an instant moment of calm when things might become a little overwhelming. ‘Choose a physical gesture (e.g. squeezing your thumb and index finger) that signifies calm,’ advises Perlin, with the idea of employing it when uncomfortable conversations or moments arise. ‘Think of a time in your life when you felt really calm and centred and as you experience the height of this feeling allow those fingers to
close. As the feeling wears off, remove the fingers. This is your secret anchor. Practice this gesture while visualizing a place where you feel relaxed. During the wedding, you can use the gesture subtly to anchor yourself back to that feeling of calmness. This is the secret behind politicians, members of the royal family and movie stars.’
Dress For Success
And a final note from me, someone who has been to plenty of weddings single. Now is the time to rely on the empowering nature of a really great outfit. This isn’t about buying something new and expensive, in fact I’d warn against it. Instead, choose something you now feels and fits fabulously. Stick to silhouettes that you’ve long loved and heels you know you can last all day in. Follow these rules and you’ll be at your best self, feeling confident in the moment to allow this version of you to shine through.
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