You know the scene—you’re at a family gathering, bracing for the inevitable interrogation about your dating life, wincing as you wonder what flavour of takedown is coming your way this time. Maybe it’ll be a classic, “Aren’t you lonely?” a repeat of “Don’t you want kids?” or a surprise hit like, “Do you think you’re too independent and it’s intimidating?”
Here’s the kicker: most questions aren’t inherently annoying. How we interpret them makes us cringe, rage, or want to disappear into a black hole. The “annoying” questions you get asked when you’re single? They’re usually neutral. The baggage we attach to them? That’s on us.
Why Do We React Negatively?
When it’s someone you don’t see often or barely have anything in common with, they’re probably not trying to make you feel bad. People latch onto the most mundane small-talk topics—work, relationship status, the weather—when they’ve got nothing else. It’s fundamental pillars of life we all have in common. And a little gossip never hurt, right? It’s easier (and sometimes juicier) to ask, “So, are you seeing anyone?” than to chat about their latest Netflix binge.
But here’s where it gets tricky: we take these harmless questions, layer them with our own insecurities, and let them ruin our day. How we react depends on who’s asking, how we’re feeling, where we are, and the kind of day we’ve had leading up to it. Often, we start preparing for battle days in advance, mentally rehearsing how to shut down nosy relatives or deflect passive-aggressive jabs from friends. By the time someone actually asks, “Why are you still single?” we’re already ten levels deep into defensiveness.
Fleabag constantly fielded pointed attacks about her dating life.
There’s a difference between neutral questions and ones dripping with judgment or snark. And sometimes people really are trying to push your buttons. But the worst thing you can do? Let it get to you. Reacting gives them the reaction they’re looking for. The second worst thing? Always assuming the worst of people.
So, how do you handle the most annoying dating questions? You’ve got options…
How To Respond To ‘Why Are You Single?’ Questions:
Shutdown with wit & sarcasm
This approach is for when you’re feeling sharp and want to keep the conversation light but with an edge. It’s a mix of playful banter that shuts down the question without sounding defensive. This response says, “I’m comfortable in my skin, and your curiosity (or dig) won’t throw me off my game.”
Be light but leave room for vulnerability
If you’re up for a deeper conversation, this approach lets you be honest while testing the waters for a safe space and comforting ear. It’s about being direct, expressing where you’re at, and leaving the door open for a more meaningful discussion—if that’s the vibe that feels right.
Deflect and flip the script
Parents aren’t meant to play favourites, but this is mine: turning the question back on the other person. People love talking about themselves; it gives them a dopamine hit, too, so simply give them the floor. It’s a smooth way to shift the focus while keeping the conversation flowing, and you might learn something hilarious or unexpected.
Here’s how each scenario could play out:
1.“Why are you still single?”
Shutdown: “You mean, how am I still single? Honestly, it’s a mystery to me, too.”
Light: “I’m taking my time. If the right person shows up, great. But until then, I’m good with where I’m at.”
Flip: “Do you remember that exact moment when you knew you wanted to be with [partner’s name]?”
2.“Have you tried dating apps?”
Shutdown: “Never heard of them. Are they new?”
Light: “I have, but it’s not about where to find just anyone; I want to find someone I have a real connection with.”
Flip: “You never used the apps when you met [partner’s name], did you? Can you imagine what kind of profile they would have had?”
3.“Are you being too picky?”
Shutdown: I didn’t realise knowing what I wanted was considered ‘picky.’ Huh.”
Light: “I’m focused on the values that will matter long term. Even if it means a little short-term pain every once in a while for long-term gain.”
Flip: “What’s something you refused to compromise on when you were dating?”
Whether you want to shut down the conversation, engage meaningfully, or redirect the spotlight (to be annoying)—how you respond is in your control. That’s the real power move.
ELLE Collective is a new community of fashion, beauty and culture lovers. For access to exclusive content, events, inspiring advice from our Editors and industry experts, as well the opportunity to meet designers, thought-leaders and stylists, become a member today HERE.
Read the original article in ELLE Australia.
