‘Difference Can Be Beautiful’: Alok Vaid-Menon On Gender, Fashion, And Finding Community In India

Just before stepping on stage in Mumbai for Hairy Situation, their touring performance that blends comedy, vulnerability, and cultural critique, Alok Vaid-Menon sat down with drag artist Glorious Luna for a conversation with ELLE India. What unfolded was part interview, part communal witnessing, threaded with laughter and truth.

Advertisment

Currently touring India, Menon who wears many hats; writer, performance artist, fashion disruptor, and global advocate for gender freedom, spoke about identity, chosen family, and why being queer is not something to merely survive, but something to treasure.

Growing up ‘different’ — and proud of it

Asked how growing up in Texas with a Malayali father and a Punjabi mother shaped their understanding of identity and gender, Menon begins with deadpan humour. “Absolutely not whatsoever. Not a shred of it impacted me,” they joke, before laughing and immediately walking it back. In reality, they explain, their upbringing was deeply formative. “Both of my parents understood what it was like to be different,” Menon says. “So I grew up in a household where difference was the paradigm.”

That sense of being unlike those around them came with pride. “We understood ourselves as not like the people around us, and there was pride in that difference. I was able to take that pride and translate it to my queerness and my transness.” They said to Luna.

Advertisment

Growing up surrounded by multiple languages, cultures, and ways of being also sharpened Menon's wit. “We were constantly code-switching, navigating double meanings,” they say. “That makes you funny. Comedy is all innuendo,  and we were living a double-meaning life all the time.”

More importantly, it dismantled the idea that identity must be singular. “From a young age, I understood that it’s possible to be more than one thing at the same time,” Menon explains. “Identity isn’t one plane. It’s multifaceted.” They add, half-joking, half-serious: “I also grew up with a lot of childhood trauma and baggage, which made me a comedian. If I’d grown up with easy vibes, I might not have had a career.”

Why queerness is a gift — even when it hurts

Luna reflects on a belief of Menon's that has stayed close to their heart: that being queer is the greatest gift a person can have. Menon pauses, then responds carefully. “I didn’t always think that,” they say. “When I say that, people assume I’m glossing over the violence, the discrimination, but I’m not. I’m saying the gift is in the difficulty.”

Queerness, for them, demands intentional self-creation. “Most people live their lives on autopilot, wearing what they’re told, being who they’re told to be,” they explain. “Being queer asks: How do I give birth to myself?" Despite ongoing external hostility, that internal clarity has been grounding. “Internally, I’m really at peace with who I am,” they add. “And that’s rare in a world where most people are deeply dissociated.”

Fashion doesn’t need gender, it already survived without it

When the conversation turns to fashion with Luna, Menon is candid,  and visibly irritated by how limited the industry remains. “Especially in South Asia,” they say, “it’s so frustrating that brands still divide clothes into men’s and women’s.” Historically, they point out, this divide makes little sense. “Draping, jewellery, adornment — these existed across genders. The idea of bifurcating clothing is actually a very recent historical invention.”

View this post on Instagram

“All clothes are already gender-neutral,” they add. “Anybody can wear a skirt. Anybody can wear a dress. What makes it gendered is someone’s experience with it.”

What does real change look like? “Stop ascribing gender to objects,” they say. “Include trans and non-binary models. Stop selling ‘men’s’ and ‘women’s’ clothing, sell garments.” In India especially, with its reverence for bespoke tailoring, the gender binary feels outdated. “There’s no single category that can hold the distribution of bodies that exist,” Menon insists.

A message for young queer people in India

Asked what they hope young people in India take away from their performances and style, Menon doesn’t sugarcoat reality. “It’s really tough out there,” they say. “Especially when the first people trying to destroy you are sometimes your own family, and they call it love.”

They acknowledge how difficult it is to build self-esteem under those conditions. “But what I want to remind you is that you’re part of a larger chosen family,” Menon says. “Even if the people around you can’t show up, this community can.”

And that presence matters. “We need you. We need your ideas, your pain, your knowledge, your experiences,” they say. “I see you,  even if you’re not visible yet.”

Misogyny isn’t the sibling — it’s the root

When Luna asks whether misogyny and homophobia are siblings, Menon is firm. “Misogyny is the parent,” they say. “Homophobia is the offshoot.” Because femininity is devalued, Menon explains, choosing it, especially when you’re not ‘meant’ to, is seen as rebellion. “Why would you ‘demote’ yourself?” they ask, mimicking the logic of patriarchy.

They’re critical of movements that fail to see these struggles as interconnected. “Feminism that isn’t trans-inclusive, or queer movements that are sexist, won’t dismantle anything,” Menon says. “We can’t end patriarchy without ending homophobia and transphobia, and vice versa.”

Performing in India: familiar, not foreign

Despite global touring, they resists narratives that frame Indian audiences as uniquely conservative. “That idea traffics in stereotypes,” they say. “Yes, there’s rigidity — but there are also so many badass Indian people.” It was only after spending time in India that they fully recognised the depth of its creative communities. “There are so many artists, feminists, queers, and critical thinkers here,” they say. “Why aren’t their stories what we call Indian culture?”

What does feel different? “My jokes about family land much harder here,” Menon laughs. “Everyone understands the overbearing Indian mother.”

Gender 101, according to Menon

For those trying to understand gender beyond the binary, Menon keeps it simple. “There are as many genders as there are people,” they say. “Dividing billions of complex souls into ‘man’ or ‘woman’ isn’t scientific, it’s cultural.”

When someone says, ‘boys don’t do this’ or ‘women don’t do that’, Menon reminds us: “That’s a norm, not a biological truth.” And moving beyond the binary isn’t just about trans people. “It’s about giving everyone the freedom to decide what gender means to them.”

Off-stage joy, therapy debates, and what’s next

Beyond the promoted tour, Menon insists the real fun happens after the curtain falls. “Every night, I’m hanging out with friends, pulling looks off-stage, connecting,” they say. “I get to meet the dolls everywhere.” Those connections matter. “Queer and trans people across the world become my extended family,” Menon says. “There’s so much learning and community in that.”

They’re also an audiobook obsessive, often immersed in fiction while travelling, and are currently moving into screenwriting and TV work. “I’m good at transitions,” they note. As for future tour dates? “I’m at war with my therapist,” Menon laughs. “I want to announce more shows. She says it’s workaholism.”

2016 trends, body positivity, and refusing cringe

In a rapid-fire moment, Luna asks which 2016 trend Menon hopes never comes back. They pauses — then reframes the question entirely. “2016 was actually when body positivity, digital feminism, and blogging really flourished,” they say. “I don’t want us to treat that as cringe.” Celebrating diverse bodies, they insist, isn’t embarrassing. “It mattered then. It matters now.”

One last thing: food

Before wrapping up, Luna asks what Menon loves to eat in India. The answer is immediate. “When I’m in Kerala, at my family home in Thrissur, anything cooked there,” they say. “It’s not just the ingredients,” they add. “It’s the memories. I feel like a little kid again.”

As the conversation ends, Luna says what feels inevitable by now: “You’re such a gift.” And in true Menon fashion, the gift feels mutual.

Also, read:

Zoya Akhtar, Reema Kagti And Ayesha Sood On Telling Real Queer Stories Through 'In Transit'