When was the last time you looked in the mirror and truly thought, I look beautiful? Perhaps it was this morning—a fleeting thought, quickly dismissed (been there, done that). Or maybe it was days ago, the last time someone—likely a man—offered you the sought-after words: “You look great.”

For many women, this moment of self-recognition doesn’t come naturally. Society, shaped over time by the male gaze, often teaches us that beauty is something validated externally rather than felt internally. For generations, women have been conditioned to tie their worth—especially their physical appeal—to outside approval. Often taught to walk on egg shells because if you feel pretty don't boost it. There have been times when compliments have felt shallow, you would wonder do they really see you in that lens or is it your anxiety making you not look pass your insecurity. 

I used to be one of those women, maybe I still am, unlearning is a slow process. A few weeks ago, I caught myself yearning for someone’s approval—an admiring glance, a compliment, a crumb of validation to feel seen. Or maybe I was just chasing after some sort of validation to heal my wound about never getting picked in past? Yeah what worst can happen to me? Guys not lining up to date me?

Then something shifted. I started questioning where this need even came from. All of it felt like some man-made nonsense.

Oh, you think I look great? Don’t strain yourself with such revolutionary observations. 

Do I look good enough to be admired?

If you’re still wondering what I’m talking about, let me explain. The term “male gaze” is rooted in feminist theory and refers to the way women are often portrayed as objects—yes, objects—of desire in media, art, and life itself. It’s not just about how women are viewed but also about how they are taught to view themselves—through the eyes of men. A glance in the mirror becomes an audition. “Do I look good enough to be admired?” becomes the central question. 

What’s insidious about this construct is how natural it feels. From an early age, we’re often praised for our looks more than our achievements or intelligence. Compliments like ‘You’re so pretty’ start in childhood, gently shaping us to seek approval for how we look rather than who we are.

But who benefits from this? It’s hard to say women do. (Collective eye-roll.) Systems that rely on external validation keep us distracted from recognising our own power. If beauty feels bestowed, it also feels fleeting—something to keep chasing.

Is the Media to Blame?

Much of this is reflected in media portrayals, where women are often framed for male pleasure. Think of Transformers (2007), with its lingering shots of Megan Fox, or early James Bond films, where Bond girls existed mainly to serve the hero’s story.

Even critically acclaimed works like Game of Thrones have faced criticism for gratuitous nudity and the over-sexualisation of women. On the flip side, shows like Fleabag and I May Destroy You offer raw, unfiltered depictions of womanhood, stepping outside the constraints of the male gaze. In Bollywood, the male gaze is often glaring, reinforced by certain directors whose work leans heavily on these tropes.

Breaking Free Now

As I began examining my own dependence on validation, I realised it was a product of a system designed to keep women in check. If we’re constantly seeking approval, we’re too distracted to realise our worth.

Seeing myself differently meant rejecting this narrative. It meant reclaiming my reflection as my own. Beauty wasn’t something I needed someone else to assign to me. It was mine to feel—not defined by the way my body looks but by how I feel health-wise, the people I surround myself with, the friends I cherish, the decisions I make, and more.

Women aren’t born insecure about their looks; they’re taught to be. No 13-year-old thinks she’s ugly until others point it out: comments about undeveloped bodies, frizzy hair, or imperfect smiles slowly shape how we see ourselves.

Think about it: who benefits from you doubting yourself? The toxic part of beauty industry profits, advertising thrives, and patriarchal structures remain unchallenged when we’re consumed by the quest for perfection. No woman in her right mind would create a system where our confidence is dictated by a passing comment or a lingering gaze. Let me make this clear some days we love ourselves in our own skin but it is completely okay to change the body you were born with. 

A New Kind of Validation?

It’s time to reframe validation. What if we stopped seeking it from others and started giving it to ourselves? What if, instead of asking, “Do I look pretty enough?” we asked, “Do I feel powerful today? Do I feel like me?”

via GIPHY

Babe, if you really like me, compliment my brain—it works so hard every day—not just my body or face. This doesn’t mean rejecting compliments or admiration—it means understanding that your worth isn’t tied to them. When someone tells you, “You look good,” take it as an observation, not as validation of your existence. There’s a huge difference between how you make someone feel with mere words versus lusting after them. Foreplay isn’t just rubbing each other’s private parts; it’s also the things you talk about with your partner. It’s the conversations that bring you closer.

The Mirror is Yours

The next time you look in the mirror, try this: don’t search for flaws or imagine how others might see you. Look for you. Celebrate your uniqueness. See beauty as a celebration, not a currency.

As women, we owe it to ourselves to dismantle the male gaze. Let’s rewrite the script. Let’s teach the next generation that beauty is self-defined and that worth is innate. Because the truth is, you’ve always been enough—you just didn’t need anyone to tell you.