Saying ‘pegging’ in a room full of men has almost always met with glances of disgust and shock, for reasons that are far too clear. Once and for all, I decided to ask two of my cis-gendered male friends what was it about pegging that made them cringe so hard. “It’s just something I would never even think of, I wouldn’t want anyone going near my prostrate at all,” one of them said. However, having said that I’ve also found that when I brought this up with my previous partners, they’ve been open to the idea of exploring it in the bedroom after having a conversation about it.
Even though I was aware of pegging vaguely, it was an episode of The Bold Type which piqued my intrigue further. Kat Edison played by Aisha Dee initially shies away from it, but later decides to do it anyway. In an intimate experience, she feels as though she connected with her partner in more ways than one. Something that I felt when I tried out pegging for the first time too.
What is pegging?
Traditionally, pegging is when a woman uses a strap-on dildo to penetrate a man. We say traditionally because originally this term only depicted two genders, however, we’ve come a long way since this definition was coined in 2001. Our definitions of gender and sex have evolved to be more inclusive. According to Aashish Mehrotra, co-founder at The Sangya Project, a sexual wellness company, “Any sexual activity shouldn’t have binaries attached to it, the whole focus should be on the activity of pegging itself and not on the genders involved.” After all, it is 2023 and anybody with or without penises can partake in pegging.
Pallavi Barnwal, sexuality coach and founder of a sexual wellness startup, www.getintimacy.com received a query wherein a woman asked her about pegging. In this case, her husband was keen on exploring pegging while her preconceived notions about sexuality made her ponder the sexuality of her husband. “Pegging has been around for centuries, plenty of our scriptures depict it too. However, the term was only coined a few years ago. An extremely erotic yet taboo act, pegging works wonders to expand the possibilities of male pleasure too,” Barnwal explains.
Power dynamics involved
Power dynamics in pegging always depend on the people involved in this act. Barnwal believes that indulging in power dynamics is a personal choice that can result in erotic play. “Partners can choose to play around with the concepts of domination and submission. Traditionally the act of penetration has been associated with power wherein the individual penetrating is the dominant and the individual receiving penetration is the submissive one,” she elaborates. Sometimes being penetrated is vulnerable in the sense that you’re letting someone in not just physically but mentally too.
However, Aashish thinks that power dynamics aren’t set in stone and can always be shifted according to the consent and comfort levels of both parties. “Just because someone is being penetrated doesn’t necessarily equate to them being in a submissive role. For instance, I can be the one getting penetrated and still control my partner, giving them directions and telling them what to do,” he explains. While pegging isn’t the only sexual activity that can be engaged in to explore the concepts of submission and dominance, it’s a way to begin with it.
What does pegging feel like?
Myths and stereotypes have limited the pleasures of men, especially how straight men have allowed themselves to feel. The act of pegging has nothing to do with someone’s sexual orientation. The myth that anal penetration is only something gay men engage in has held back a lot of men from exploring any kind of sexual activity related to the anus. Pegging can be extremely sexually stimulating for men. “The male G-spot, often referred to as the P-spot, with the ‘p’ signifying the prostrate, is a walnut-sized gland located just below the bladder, cis-gendered men and people assigned male at birth have them,” explains Aashish. He further elaborates that this is great at producing quick and powerful orgasms.
Pallavi chimes in and says, “Pegging often feels fantastic because the external anal area is filled with nerve endings, so any stimulation of them increases the amount of pleasure one is supposed to feel.” This particular part of our body is designed to be a part of our erotic system. “The prostrate is involved in every single ejaculation a man experiences, so considering it already a part of man’s regular sexual life, bringing it more attention and stimulating it further will skyrocket the amount of pleasure felt,” she says.
What needs to be kept in mind
First and foremost, for any sexual act, it’s important to communicate with your partner about every minute detail. Whether that is about why you’re keen to explore pegging or even about the roles and responsibilities the giver and receiver hold. All experts unanimously agree that pegging needs to be a slow and intimate process that keeps pleasure in priority compared to anything else. To begin with, one can always start with smaller sex toys or even engage in anal fingering to make sure you’re at ease and comfortable. Jenni Lapii, brand manager at IMbesharam.com, a sexual wellness company shares a few pointers that can be kept in mind before engaging in pegging—
Lubrication: A high-quality anal lubricant must be used to make the whole process of pegging smoother and reduce any discomfort or friction. The EasyGlide water-based lubricant available on IMbesharam.com works well for beginners.
Mutual comfort: Being attentive to your partner’s level of comfort and feedback throughout the activity is one of the most crucial things that will ensure this sexual activity is performed with equal excitement from both parties.
Safety and equipment: It takes time to ease yourself into any sexual activity, so it’s important to keep a safeword in place that will draw clear boundaries. Apart from this, using sex toys or tools that fit your body appropriately and are made using good quality material is a must. The Sangya Project S6 Strap On and Harness is a toy that will certainly make pegging an exciting process.
Having said that pegging is a very intimate activity that can help men tap into a different sexual side of themselves. It isn’t something that can pose a threat to ‘masculinity’ at all.
