Indian weddings come with the promise of over-the-top shenanigans, of fleeting moments that will touch your heart forever, of bearing witness to something akin to magic. An occasion where there’s something for everyone. For the bride, the months leading up to the big day comprise a whirlwind of emotions—from the near-ecstatic feeling when the groom-to-be goes down on one knee in a declaration of his love to planning and bringing to life every intricate detail of her dream wedding.
ELLE India spoke to brides—both recent and those-to-be—about their emotional experiences and moments of epiphany in the lead-up to their weddings.
Not Just Fun & Games
Weddings would be incomplete without the rollercoaster of emotions—fights to be laughed at in hindsight and conversations that make you feel closer to your loved ones. “I don’t even know what word to use—crazy feels like an understatement,” says YouTuber and bride-to-be Aaliyah Kashyap. “Indian weddings are like a week-long festival that you’re planning. I knew a lot would go into it, but I didn’t expect how much it takes out of you.” Kashyap, who got engaged to her boyfriend of three years, Shane Gregoire, in August last year, is (almost) all set for her wedding this December. “Now, with about three months to go, it’s all starting to feel real,” she says.
Stylist and content creator Sakshi Sindwani, who married sweetheart Raghav Arora earlier this year, recalls her experience and says, “More than feeling like the bride, I was more like the chief showrunner at my celebrations. I had taken up a lot of responsibility because this had been my dream. It was quite a spectacular feeling. I want to do this again so bad—maybe for my first wedding anniversary.” Lin Laishram, who got married to actor Randeep Hooda recently, questions why the bride must take it upon herself to plan every detail. “I was overwhelmed with all that went into preparing for my wedding, and at times, I was just like, ‘Why am I doing everything? Why am I deciding everything?’” she says. “But my family and friends poured so much love and support during this period. You just can’t do it on your own,” she shares.
When It’s Right, It’s Right
How do you know you’re ready for marriage? Is this the right person? Is this the right time? We can only just about imagine the plethora of questions a bride finds herself seeking answers to. In fact, it may not ever be possible to know for sure or to make a decision with complete certainty. Yet, what we learn from listening to brides is when it’s right, it’s right. For Maia Shroff, her 10-year relationship with racing driver Jehan Daruvala was all the confirmation she needed. And for Rakul Preet Singh, who married actor Jackky Bhagnani earlier this year, fear and uncertainty meant little when love meant so much. “When you mentally decide you want to get married, that’s when you go ahead. By the time I decided that this is the right person and the right time I had no hesitations and fears,” she says.
Kashyap got engaged to be married at 22. “My partner and I had been together for about three years at that point. Both of us are pretty young,” she says. “So, we did think about whether we should wait it out or not. But we realised, eventually, that our age doesn’t matter. We were so sure about each other. The basis of our relationship is the fact that we’re best friends.”
Laishram’s experience, on the other hand, was vastly different. Hailing from a somewhat conservative family, navigating her career as an actor and faced with the usual yet often exasperating expectations that come with being a woman, the realisation came slowly. “Because I come from Manipur, which is quite orthodox, my family kept pushing me to find a Manipuri boy. But I decided to bring a certain openness to matters of the heart. It was important for me to find someone who understood my dreams and passions, and I found that in Randeep.”
Finding Calm In The Chaos
And then, there are moments that feel like forever packed into a fleeting second that make your heart smile and make everything worthwhile. And, if you pay attention, weddings are a collection of such heartwarming moments. Whether during the ceremonies or the days leading up to them, there is always joy to be found amidst the chaos. “One of the most beautiful moments that I ended up having with Raghav was right before the pheras. I remember after the chuda, or bangle ceremony, we were all quite emotional. I was freaking out as I was not meant to see him before the pheras. But he was getting ready in the area where I was supposed to. At that moment, I met him, and I gave him a letter that I had written for him. I saw him wearing his sherwani. When we hugged each other—it felt like nobody was around us,” Sindwani remembers.
Pooja ReddyW, Director of Viceroy Hotels who got married to Achyuth Reddy in August this year, feels grateful to have found the love she did, even though their alliance is arranged. She remembers Achyuth being the first match she met, who became the one she agreed to marry. “I remember he was on holiday with his friends, and I couldn’t speak to him as regularly as I usually do almost all day. I was only able to talk to him at night. One of those days, it dawned on me that he was the one. We didn’t even speak about our feelings, but hearing his voice made me feel at peace,” Reddy says.
Home Away From Home
Rakul Preet Singh remembers, “Right before we left for Goa [where they got married] when we were at home, my mom suddenly became sentimental. She said, ‘You will call me every day, right?’ And because she got emotional, I got emotional. And in the middle of all the busyness, it was the first time I realised I was getting married.” For a bride, marriage demands the finding of a home away from the one she has always known. Marriage is the formulation of a dyad, a couple, or a partnership. A successful marriage takes effort, adjustment and compromise. “We’ve had to relearn a lot of our beliefs, growing them into versions that are common to both of us. When people say that marriage is also about compromise and sacrifice, I think what they mean is evolving those fundamentals about yourself so that they now suit both of you and not just you alone,” says Sindwani. Laishram and Hooda’s wedding was a traditional Manipuri ceremony. With both hailing from completely different cultures, Laishram was unsure of what Hooda’s family expected. “But they were just so open about everything. Randeep learnt about every aspect of the ceremony, and that meant a lot to me.” On both ends, marriage demands a deep understanding of lifestyles, cultures and value systems.
The Essence Of Togetherness
Marriage can mean different things to different people. Yet, at the core of it all, it offers a sense of companionship, mutual respect, growth and support, and a lifetime of love that evolves. “It’s difficult for me to explain,” says Kashyap, “Because my parents are divorced, I was always the one to be like, I’ll never marry, it ruins everything. But after I met Shane, that changed. Marriage is really about being there and showing up for each other.” For Shroff, marriage means loyalty, commitment, unconditional love, and many babies; “I can’t wait to have a family of my own,” she shares. But Sindwani, perhaps, sums it up for us perfectly, “Marriage, for me, is the constant feeling of home. Six months into it, I feel like we’ve become stronger and more stable. It’s a very different form of love. When I feel sick, I feel like if I don’t have this person next to me, I don’t think my body will heal. I had never experienced this before.”
Read the full story in ELLE India’s Wedding Book, or download your digital copy via Magzter, available free with our latest issue of ELLE India.
