Kintsugi, the ancient Japanese art of fixing broken pottery with gold tells us that something can break and still be beautiful. Once repaired, the cracks are where it is the strongest. Piecing back the million shattered pieces of a broken heart, however, isn’t an easy feat. It needs time and a whole lot of patience because healing isn’t linear and it damn sure ain’t pretty. What helps is to recognise that every person comes into your life for a reason— if not as a blessing, then as a lesson. Know that you’re not alone if the ongoing season of love has you feeling blue reminiscing about a past relationship. Here’s hoping this article helps you get over your ex as I write it as an attempt to get over mine. Read on for 25 tried and tested methods by team ELLE India and our readers to help you on your journey:
Team ELLE
1. Sonali Shah, Deputy Editor
“First off, get a haircut. And then, it’s a no-brainer, really—they should be the ones struggling to get over you. A fair bit of the process begins in your head, and self-confidence and self-respect can play a massive role. It’s tough, but give it a shot. And as Jerry Seinfeld says, ‘A life well-lived is the best revenge.’ “
2. Zoha Castelino, Fashion Editor
“Tbh, post 28 years old I fully hate the idea of blocking/deleting. It feels like dusting something under a rug. You’ll just have to clean it up later.
These are the things that have helped me:
1. Friends (Not their advice. I never listen)- Knowing they are there to hear me out, to let me cry, to binge drink tequila on a weekday night. Watch chick flicks with your girlfriends. NOT romcoms but more like Melissa McCarthy comedies.
2. Family (and the older women) – They know. They know so much more than they let on about boys. Tell them you’re wrecked. They will remind you of your worth. Every single time.
3. Also, I read something on Reddit a long time ago that I’ve saved in my notes. I read it when it gets really bad in the heart. It’s about death, and I read it when my grandma died. However, it stays true for all kinds of grief your heart may feel. It’s a thought that keeps me moving. Read it here.”
3. Shaeroy Chinoy, Junior Fashion Editor
“It’s easier said than done. There are a number of psychological, physical and social factors that result in how you deal with a situation like this for eg: at what age you are going through it, the depth and timeline of your relationship etc. What I can be sure of is that there will always be that one individual in all our lives for whom time and again we are always ready to put our self-respect or ego aside and keep giving chances to, in spite of being fully aware of the outcome. To get over such an individual, one needs to experience this pain, even if it is a number of times. Feel it as long as you have to and let it take its course till one day it no longer hurts/matters.”
4. Ruman Baig, Senior Digital Writer
“Sadly, there’s no full-proof method for this, to each its own, but over the years I have sort of developed a way to get over the ex(s). Sure, wallow, cry and do all the cliché things – but once you’re done allowing your heart to fog your judgment, turn to your brain. Often, it isn’t the actual loss of the person that we mourn, it’s the rosy idea about them we’ve fostered in our heads that we hold on to. Once you not only admit but accept them for who they were and how they weren’t even close to the picture-perfect image you’ve crafted in your head, it’s easier to move on. They say where does the love go when you decide to break up? Unfortunately, that takes a while to fizzle – but it takes a constant self-reminder that it wasn’t meant to be for a reason.”
5. Sumona Bose, Beauty Writer
“I started dating my ex’s brother! It was a silly move, and looking back at it now I see how reckless that was. But at the time the only thing that I thought would help was to make him suffer…for him to yearn for the days we spent together and just totally destroy his vibe. It did work and fortunately, there wasn’t a third brother in the mix to torment.”
6. Aliza Fatma, Editorial Assistant
“1. Understand the stages of grief. It helps you accept the situation and attempt to move on. Kubler Ross gave us 5: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance
2. Don’t call/meet up just because you miss them. “Emotions aren’t a choice – behaviours are. You should feel whatever you want, but shouldn’t act however you want.” – Ashley Zahabian
3. And NO, you can’t go back to being ‘just friends.’ “
7. Nidhi Nagvekar, Junior Graphic Designer
“No matter how cliché this might sound but time really heals everything. I don’t think anyone can ever completely get over a person he/she was really in love with, but I believe that the pain of their absence heals with time. With time we learn to accept, we get habituated to the fact that they’re around no more. And the only practical thing to do is to go on with life. I don’t believe that love can be forgotten, It can never vanish, but it fades over time.”
8. Miloni Thakker, Digital Intern
“While you may feel as if you’ve been run over by a truck, the lessons that follow post a breakup are oddly pleasant. There are many ways to get over an ex, wallowing in grief or moving on with someone new, but there is nothing quite like self-love, IYKYK but truly take time to work on yourself; remember that the world is your oyster, and the sooner you realize that – this too shall pass, the less you’ll try to resist and fight the pain. PS- Closure is a myth”
Here’s What Our Readers Have To Say
9. Natasha Fernandes: “Make a pros and cons list about them and when you see that the cons outweigh the pros, you’ll realise it’s for the best.”
10. Srushti Sarwate: “Accept that they were also human… and you dated a person. You did the right thing by not staying long enough… or you would probably be dating a ‘project.’
11. Anonymous: “Tell them nonchalantly that you faked all the Os, and watch them crumble and die in front of you. (Fragile male ego and all that.) Sweet, sweet victory is yours.”
12. Simran Birdi: “Pick up the phone and give them a piece of your mind like Geet from Jab We Met.”
13. Srishti Gulaty: “I remind myself that staying hooked on my ex would make me lose out on others who come along the way who might actually be better than what I had.”
14. Rachel Pherwani: “The 3 6 9 manifestation rule- write it down thrice in the morning, 6 times in the afternoon and 9 times at night. Works like magic.”
15. Shreya Kawoor: “Befriend your ex’s exes.”
16. Rakshanda Kolhe: “Try and occupy your mind with other things or try the good old picture burning and flushing trick from Jab We Met.”
17. Nikita Fernandes: “Therapy.”
18. Kritvi Karthik: “Spend 50% of the duration of your relationship ONLY on yourself after the breakup.” (If your relationship lasted for 6 months, follow this no dating rule for 3 months at least).
19. Tiya Bhalla: “24 hours of Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodrigo.”
20. Isha Rawat: “Delete all their pictures and throw/give away their gifts.”
21. Ranya Warren: ” Give in to your emotions, let yourself absorb all that you’re feeling instead of avoiding it.”
22. Ronak Choudhary: “Drink moon water and manifest that they get lifelong diarrhoea.”
23. Vrinda Khullar: “Find a distraction— a new hobby, work or find someone new to talk to.”
24. Sreya Simlai: “Find someone who hates your ex so that you can spill your heart out and trash talk him together.”
25. Tejal Lolap: “Don’t listen to sad songs, get off social media to avoid triggers and become more aware of your thoughts to disarm them. Join a heartbreak support group on Reddit to talk about your feelings in a safe space. Eat. Pray. Love. “
