Running On Fumes And Good Vibes: How I Fake Functioning On 3 Hours Of Sleep

It’s 7:30 a.m, my alarm is shrieking, and I’ve slept less than three hours. Not because I was out being fabulous, because anxiety, deadlines, and Bombay humidity don’t sleep either. There’s no “clean girl” energy here. I’m running on fumes and iced coffee, and yet somehow, I still need to look employable.

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This isn’t self-care, it’s crisis management. These are beauty rituals that don’t ask for time, only intention. My fast, chaotic routine for when rest is a rumour but appearance is non-negotiable.

1. Start Cold, Not Bold

Forget jade rollers. Keep two steel spoons in the freezer, they de-puff faster than any skincare tool invented by capitalism. Press them under your eyes while scrolling through your emails in denial. Follow with Avène Thermal Spring Water or Dr. Jart+ Cicapair Mist — they wake your face up before your brain can protest.

2. Base Like a Lazy Pro

If you can’t fake sleep, fake skin.

I cocktail Ilia Super Serum Skin Tint with Charlotte Tilbury Flawless Filterand tap it on with my fingers. Together, they blur, reflect, and confuse people into thinking I’m hydrated and happy.

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If I’m feeling generous, I’ll tap on a little NARS Creamy Concealer under the eyes — the only relationship that’s never disappointed me.

3. Fake a Flush, Not Effort

Tired skin looks flat, not pale. Add life back with a cream blush (tryRare Beauty’s Soft Pinch or Too Faced Cloud Crush) and a touch of liquid highlighter on the high points of your cheeks.

If it looks like I just came from a chaotic brunch instead of an emotional collapse, I’ve succeeded.

4. Slick Everything Back

Messy bun? Rookie mistake. A slick bun says control.

I use Olaplex No.6 Bond Smootherand Living Proof Control Hair Spray to pull my hair into submission. Bonus: people assume you’re “in your minimalist era,” not running late and half-dead inside.

5. Eyes Wide Shut Energy

I swipe onLaneige Eye Sleeping Mask while brushing my teeth, yes, multitasking skincare is a legitimate art form.

A quick lash curl and Maybelline Lash Sensational mascara make me look vaguely alert. The goal is functional delusion.

6. Smell Like You Slept

Fragrance is theatre. Maison Francis Kurkdjian’s Baccarat Rouge 540 is for when I need to smell rich enough to excuse my exhaustion.

For weekdays, Naso Profumi Amber Vanilla or Byredo Gypsy Water make me smell like the kind of woman who remembers to send calendar invites.

7. End With the Lie

I keep a Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask in my bag, not for hydration, but as proof that I “care.”

Add a spritz of mist, a deep breath, and a strong coffee. Nobody needs to know I cried at 2 a.m. over an Excel sheet.

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