Testifying In Court With Three Wigs And Jewels Over Three Million Dollars? That’s Hot

The curious case of Cardi B and her courtroom wigs. Now, why is our homegirl always in court? It's a question we can’t answer, but hey, at least she’s always serving. The wigs have left her ‘forehead raw’ (in her own words) for a court case hearing with regards to a fingernail attack, filed by a security guard five years ago. Yes, apparently that’s a thing — not a shocker though, the Bodak Yellow singer's campy two-inchers (sometimes three?) have a fanbase of their own. Her name’s been cleared, and all is good for the rapper now, but the wigs she’s been wearing to court? That’s what we’re talking about.

On three separate occasions in the past week, Cardi B was lensed in the following:

1. A theatrical blonde wig that looked like something straight out of Marilyn Monroe’s armoire.
2. A pixie-cut wig presumably stolen from the green room of the main judge in Divorce Court.
3. A sultry, long, black wig with a side parting so far that it’s almost touching the ear.

I’m entertained. Don’t mind an elongation of this series. Oh, wait, she’s already on it. Musically, at least. Just a few hours after she won the case yesterday, Cardi released a series of images as a part of her AM I THE DRAMA promotional material on her Instagram stories, featuring snaps of her from the courtroom itself, obviously, in the aforementioned wigs. These IVY league marketing grads could never. 

In a similar vein, we’ve listed iconic moments with celebrities taking ‘serving’ seriously while actually serving. Here are a few of our favourites. All of them were found not guilty, obviously. 

The Gwyneth Paltrow Ski Crash Trial

Day one of the trial, and Paltrow arrived looking like she was about to soft-launch a Scandinavian lifestyle brand. She wore a slouchy cream turtleneck and an olive alpaca-wool coat from The Row, and two days later, she pulled a complete 180 with a slate-grey double-breasted Brunello Cucinelli suit layered over a silky tank and delicate gold chains. If you're wondering whether courtroom fashion can sway a jury, the answer is yes. 

The A$AP Rocky Gun Assault Trial

Court: Maybe. NYFW: Definitely. Think sharply tailored power suits, shiny derbies you could check your reflection in, and black-out sunglasses that screamed ‘no photos, please’ while also inviting every photo. To the untrained eye, he might’ve been heading to the front row at Dior or date night with Rihanna. Instead, he was navigating the legal system. In full drip, obviously.

The Kim Kardashian Robbery Trial

For her big testimony in the Paris robbery case, she wore a vintage John Galliano blazer dress that meant business. Shoulders? Sharp enough to slice a croissant. The Saint Laurent slingbacks were the cherry on top. But the real MVP: a $3 million Samer Halimeh necklace dripping in diamonds, including a 10-carat pear-shaped rock. Gosh.

If the court is the new runway, these celebs are walking it like it’s fashion week at one of the big fours, just with slightly more lawyers. In an era where optics matter more than ever, courtroom style isn’t just about what you wear. It's a full-blown strategy. 

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