Do you get into a relationship as fast as a bull charges towards a red flag? If yes, you need to hear this. We often speak about identifying red and green flags before we begin our courtship, but what exactly do these terms mean? To simply put it – the colour green in this context stands for a healthy, safe and positive relationship. Red, on the other hand, is a screaming sign for you to run in the opposite direction. If this still doesn’t help you decide – we’ve broken it down further by putting together 5 signs under each flag that will help you to take a call. Also no, his deep voice and 6 ft height does not make up for his emotional unavailability—get it together, Karen.
Green Flags
1. They Are Kind
This may seem like a very obvious quality because they are trying to earn brownie points in the beginning, but the true test of it is when the situation isn’t in their favour. Observe how they react when a waiter at a restaurant messes up their order or when an Uber driver isn’t understanding their direction – you will form an unbiased opinion.
2. They Support Your Goals
Read their behaviour when you talk to them about your dreams and aspirations. If they are equally or more excited about your achievements – keep them. When it comes to picking a partner, this is a non-negotiable attribute.
3. They Are Responsible
Confused and flaky adults aren’t cute. While making a plan, if they are willing to contribute or share responsibility for the evening – add it to the pro’s list. The ”I don’t know, you figure it out,” attitude shouldn’t cut it anymore. Also, watch how they navigate through their own lives – do they pay their bills on time? Are they committed to work deadlines? Look at the finer details and get your answer.
4. They Are Good Communicators
After a few days of the dreamy romance and flirty exchanges, reality sets in. During this phase of your relationship, communication is the key. Find a guy/girl who openly talk about their feelings before it festers into misconceptions – put this at the top of your priority list and you will thank us later.
5. They Are Authentic
When you meet someone who is comfortable in their own skin, it’s an instant turn on. Pretending to be someone is exhausting – sooner or later they will drop the facade and that won’t be pretty. So, always gravitate towards someone who consistently behaves in a particular way and doesn’t switch up their personality according to their surrounding.
Red Flags
1. They Are Narcissistic
If they make everything about themselves and have the tendency to suck the oxygen out of the room – congratulations, you have a narcissist on your hands. Trust them to demean you while simultaneously seeking validation in the same sentence. Some narcissists are hard to spot in the wild – make note of these qualities and steer clear of people who mirror them.
2. They Are Insecure and Over Possessive
Don’t encourage terms of endearment that make you sound like a possession. No, it isn’t romantic when he/she calls you ‘all mine’. A potential partner who has a hard time trusting you is a walking red flag. If not the most important attribute, trust is as essential as love in a relationship. This also stems out of personal insecurities which they then project on their partners – call them out and bid them goodbye!
3. They Do Not Respect Boundaries
When your significant other doesn’t understand your need for space and disregards it – it’s time to rethink the relationship. Being together does not mean spending every waking minute of the day joined by the hip – find people who lead individual lives and don’t make their entire existence about the relationship.
4. They Lack Emotional Intimacy
Intelligent, intellectual and funny – the trifecta we look for, but what about emotional availability? We are often mesmerised by their charming personality and forget to dig deeper. Sure, they can hold a conversation about current affairs and pop culture – unfortunately, that isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. On days, when one partner is down and out, the other has to know how to navigate their sentiments and be the anchor for them.
5. They Criticize And Gaslight
Under the pretence of wanting what’s best for you – if someone’s constantly putting you down with their statements, it’s problematic. It’s one thing to be objective and opinionated about your partner’s choices, but that doesn’t give them the gate pass to be insensitive. Also, if they’re constantly on the defence after picking on you – understand their manipulation tactics for what it is.
The next time you’re thinking of giving someone a chance beyond the first date – go armed with this list and save yourself from the emotional trauma in the future.
