For the longest time, I struggled with orgasms. A relook at my Internet search history from a couple of years ago, would feature results on ‘how to orgasm’ and ‘easiest way to orgasm’. Elisabeth Lloyd, in her book The Case Of The Female Orgasm, reveals that 5-10% of women never experience an orgasm in their life. For those who experience one or two, (if lucky), intense ones would know the meaning of life without an orgasm.
It’s no secret that the orgasm gap is real. According to a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour, 95% of heterosexual men orgasm compared to only 65% of heterosexual women. And while some might say it’s a ‘you’ problem, it certainly is not given the overwhelming data saying that it’s a universal issue.
Every human body functions differently, so naturally what works for your body may not work for someone else. When it comes to having an orgasm, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to it. While an orgasm isn’t meant to be the end goal of any sexual activity, that intensely euphoric feeling after a sexual act or even masturbation is imperative.
Read on for a tried-and-tested list of things that will accelerate your quest to achieve the ultimate toe-curling orgasm.
Communication is the golden rule for every partnered sexual activity you engage in, whether with a single partner or with multiple partners. A transparent conversation about your desires, turn-ons and turn-offs will result in your partner(s) knowing how to manoeuvre the situation. If there’s something you particularly enjoy, for instance, if you love some nipple play, tell your partner.
Don’t skip on outercourse
According to The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, a whopping, but not surprising, 81.6% of women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone. Enter outercourse. Most women will unanimously agree with me when I say penetrative sex doesn’t rank highest on our favourite list. Outercourse is sex which doesn’t involve penetration at all. From kissing, to dry humping and even mutual masturbation—all of these activities inch you closer to a climax.
Ensure you’re relaxed
Being in a calm and relaxed state of mind is an important factor in trying to achieve an orgasm. If you’re worried or anxious about something, chances are that it’s going to hamper your orgasm journey. A scientific paper published in The Psychiatric Times tells us that anxiety and thoughts of despair disrupt the female orgasm. Place yourself in an environment where external factors won’t cause anxiousness.
Focus on what’s good for you
Women tend to put their pleasure in the backseat most of the time, whether it comes to pleasuring themselves or engaging in partnered sex. When it comes to masturbation, women often discover it much later on in life. Similarly, when it comes to partnered sex or sexual activities, due to societal conditioning, women pay more attention to pleasing their partners. However, solo pleasure must be prioritised so that one knows what works best for your body.
The clitoris is god
Clitoral stimulation is significantly important when it comes to achieving an orgasm. With over 8000 nerve endings, the clitoris is a primary source of pleasure for women. A 2015 study conducted by The Journal Of Sex and Marital Therapy revealed that over 36.6% of women deem clitoral stimulation a necessity to orgasm. Whether you’re engaging in foreplay, outercourse or intercourse, the clitoris deserves an ample amount of attention if climaxing is one of your top priorities.
Try different positions
Experimentation and exploration lie at the heart of all sexual activities. The classic ‘missionary’ position may be steamy and easy for you, but maybe it’s time to switch things up a tad bit. Engage in positions that allow you to move your body in ways that target specific spots, such as the clitoris. While reverse cowgirl may be deemed as a dangerous position, it’s certainly one that hits the sweetest spot in your body inching you closer to an orgasm. A less risky position that’s even Matt Rife approved— the legendary sideways twister position is one which promises you an orgasm.
Tap into your kinks
In partnered sex, the inclusion of kinks into your sexual activities can help you push the boundaries of pleasure and take erotic intimacy to newer levels. If bondage and discipline turn you on, incorporate them into your sexual activities. The simple act of being restrained while your partner performs oral sex on you could be a catalyst to a great orgasm. However, make sure that your partner understand and respects your body and boundaries while engaging in sexual kinks and fantasies.
In case you weren’t aware, edging is the act of deliberately controlling your orgasm so that the final climax is a lot more intense than usual. It allows you to perfectly time your stimulation by pleasuring yourself in equal breaks. Edging is what brings you to climax slowly, but surely.
Remember that an orgasm isn’t the end goal
While experiencing an orgasm may be one of the most pleasurable feelings, it’s not the end goal of sex or any sexual activity. Sex is all about getting to learn more about yourself and your partner whilst having fun with your body. Emphasising achieving an orgasm induces unwanted pressure on all individuals involved and takes away the excitement meant to be had.