A Catalogue Of Red Flags Ranked By Chaos (And What It Says About You)

I could lie and say this is a cautionary tale. But it’s not.

It’s a catalogue. A collection. A little museum of emotional chaos, lovingly curated through years of poor decisions and romantic delusion. And honestly? I wouldn’t change a thing (except maybe the DJ from 2021).

This isn’t about blaming men. This is about reflecting on what we—yes, we—keep chasing. Because let’s face it: you didn’t miss the red flag. You saw it. You thought, “he’s passionate,” and walked right into the mess with open arms and a full beat.

So here it is. A definitive red flag ranking—by chaos. And what might your favourite one be saying about your inner dating saboteur?

No shame. Just vibes. And maybe a little clarity.

He only texts after 11 PM

You say you’re a night owl. But if you check the timestamps, so is he—only when he’s bored, lonely, or a little drunk. You call it chill. But sometimes it feels like a situationship in Do Not Disturb mode.

What it says about you: You’re not afraid of spontaneity—but you deserve to be prioritised in daylight.

He says, “not looking for anything serious... unless it happens”

The fallback king. He’s giving you a disclaimer before the plot even starts. You read it as openness, but it’s actually a pre-emptive exit strategy.

What it says about you: You believe in leaving room for magic—but that doesn’t mean signing up for ambiguity.

He watches all your stories, but never replies to your texts

Is he shy? Is he busy? Is he just scrolling? Who knows. All you get is digital eye contact and a mild sense of confusion.

What it says about you: You’re hoping attention will evolve into effort. It might not. But you’re an optimist—and that’s not a bad thing.

He’s “on a break” with his girlfriend of six years

You’re not the rebound—you’re the interim solution. Or at least, that’s what it starts to feel like once things get complicated.

What it says about you: You’re deeply empathetic, maybe to a fault. You want to believe people can start over. Just be sure you’re not standing in someone else’s story arc.

He drives a Thar and plays AP Dhillon like it’s a personality trait

He’s got charisma, curated playlists, and a vague vibe that screams "alpha energy." But somehow, you’re always guessing what he actually wants.

What it says about you: You like confidence—but sometimes mistake it for depth. You’re drawn to the loudest room but crave real connection.

He trauma dumps on the first date, then disappears

He opened up to you. He really did. Then he ghosted you like none of it happened. You’re left wondering if you imagined the whole intimacy thing.

What it says about you: You want emotional honesty—but you’re learning it’s not the same as emotional availability.

He’s a DJ-slash-crypto enthusiast with no fixed address

One day it’s techno gigs. The next, it’s Dogecoin and a Himalayan retreat. He lives in chaos and invites you along for the ride.

What it says about you: You’re into passion and unpredictability. But some instability is too real to be romantic.

He says “I don’t believe in labels” but still posts thirst traps with “my people <3”

He wants closeness without context. You want connection that means something. The two of you keep orbiting—but never quite land.

What it says about you: You’re open-minded, but you’re learning the difference between fluid and confusing.

He replies to your longest, most thoughtful messages with “Hmm”

He’s not being mysterious. He’s being non-committal. And yet, the silence somehow makes you want to decode him more.

What it says about you: You’re deeply reflective. But maybe you deserve someone who meets you where you are—without the word games.

He’s too hot to ever be on time

He shows up forty minutes late in linen pants and doesn’t understand why you’re annoyed—after all, he made it, didn’t he? You convince yourself his casual disrespect is part of the charm.

What it says about you: You tell yourself you’re low maintenance, but you’re slowly realising you’d rather be respected than aesthetic-adjacent.

He lives at the gym and captions his selfies with trending Drake lyrics

He’s fit, committed, and always flexing—online and off. But ask him about his feelings, and he suddenly forgets how to lift the conversation.

What it says about you: You love discipline and control. But you’re starting to learn that emotional strength isn’t always visible in the mirror.

You’re not alone. We’ve all been there.

Red flags are hot—until they’re not. So the next time he leaves you on read for 9 hours only to reply “lol,” remember: love isn’t supposed to feel like a personality test you’re failing.

But until then… good luck out there.