Are You A Trauma Lurker? (Be Honest)

We’ve all been there, minding our own business, scrolling Instagram, when we stumble upon someone baring their soul online. They're sharing raw, emotional details about their childhood, their breakups, their healing journey, and without meaning to, we’re… riveted. We don't comment. We don't engage. We just watch. Sound familiar? Congratulations, you might just be a trauma lurker.

Before you feel personally attacked, don’t worry—you’re not alone. Trauma lurking is something many of us do without even realising. It's that odd habit of silently consuming others' emotional stories online, often under the guise of self-improvement, education, or just plain curiosity. But let’s unpack it a bit—kindly and without judgement.

What Is Trauma Lurking?

Trauma lurking is the digital equivalent of eavesdropping on someone’s therapy session while pretending to do a crossword. It's the act of watching or reading about other people’s trauma, especially on social media, without interacting, processing, or necessarily reflecting on why we’re drawn to it in the first place.

You might find yourself glued to a 10-part story about someone’s toxic ex. Or crying along with a stranger's grief post at 2am, only to switch to cat videos immediately after. You’re not trying to be intrusive, but something about their story pulls you in like an emotional magnet. And while it's completely natural to be curious about others’ experiences, there's a difference between empathy and rubbernecking someone’s breakdown.

Why Do We Do It?

Validation: Sometimes hearing someone else’s tough experiences can make us feel less alone. “Oh wow, I’m not the only one whose family Christmases were an emotional Hunger Games.”

Distraction: Processing our own stuff is hard. Watching someone else talk about theirs gives us that hit of emotional intensity without having to sit with our own skeletons.

Control: When we scroll through someone else’s trauma post, we get to dip our toes into emotional waters, but with the power to scroll away. It’s emotional voyeurism, but with an exit button.

Curiosity: Human beings are naturally curious, especially about things we don’t fully understand. And when vulnerability is served in bite-sized Instagram captions or reels, it’s easy to binge.

Is It Bad to Trauma Lurk?

Not inherently. We all process stories in different ways. Sometimes we’re just not ready to engage. Other times, we don’t know what to say. And that’s okay. But if you only consume trauma content, or if you’re seeking it out compulsively, it might be worth checking in with yourself. Ask: Why am I watching this? Am I learning, healing, or just avoiding?

Also, consider the impact on the people sharing their stories. Many creators bravely share their pain in hopes of building community or offering support. If their content is helping you, maybe drop a kind comment. Let them know. Engage respectfully. It’s a small thing, but it can make a big difference.

How to Tell If You’re a Trauma Lurker

Here’s a little checklist. Answer honestly, no one’s judging.

You watch hours of emotional reels but haven’t unpacked your own childhood since Year 9.

You know the full saga of a stranger’s divorce, but couldn’t name three things that trigger you.

You say “I love vulnerability” but treat your own feelings like they’re locked in a basement.

You scroll through Reddit’s “Am I the Asshole?” like it’s bedtime reading.

You find yourself feeling seen by other people’s trauma but never explore why.

If you nodded along to more than two, you might be lurking in the trauma aisle.

What You Can Do Instead

If you’ve identified yourself as a trauma lurker (welcome, the first step is awareness), don’t panic. Here are a few light, manageable things you can do:

Reflect: Next time you feel glued to someone’s sad story, pause. Ask yourself why. What does it stir in you? Is it empathy? Is it discomfort?

Limit Doom-Scrolling: You don’t need to consume trauma like it’s popcorn. Take breaks. Touch grass. Pet a dog.

Do Your Own Work: If someone’s story is making you reflect on your own past, consider journaling, therapy, or even chatting to a friend. Don’t outsource your healing to strangers on the internet.

Respect Boundaries: Trauma is not content. Just because it’s online doesn’t mean it’s for your entertainment. Be mindful of how you’re interacting or not interacting with people’s vulnerability.

Being a trauma lurker doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact, it might mean you're more emotionally aware than you give yourself credit for. But awareness is only useful if we do something with it. Go on, put the phone down. Or better yet, call your mum (or your therapist).