Communication Might Be Key In A Relationship, But Only When You Actually Know What That Means

I'll be honest, I'm not one to overthink and overanalyse. As kids, when we're being reprimanded for something, we're all told by a doting grandparent or an empathetic parent, "Take the firing in from one ear and let it out the other." Sis took that advice too seriously. Nothing bothers me beyond the five minute mark anymore. EXCEPT when someone throws around advice like it should've been common sense, when in reality, it's actually pretty hard to grasp. And what's bothering me on this fine day is communication—you know, that thing everyone says is essential for a healthy, relationship but rarely explains how to actually do it? In my head, it's the relationship equivalent of your trainer yelling at you to engage your core, but all you think of is "What does that mean?! Do I just tuck my stomach in?"

If you've ever been in a relationship (romantic, platonic, or otherwise), you've probably been told, "Communication is key. I just want you to talk me." And sure, in theory, that sounds great. But what does good communication actually look like? Because if you think sending a passive-aggressive "K." in response to a five-paragraph text counts, we need to talk.

I spoke to Dr. Pragya Lodha (MA, Psy.D), Consulting Psychologist, to understand better how relationships should be taken care of, "Thanks to greater awareness around mental health and healthy relationships, communication has definitely gotten better over the years. It’s incredible to hear many couples talk aloud about their needs, expectations and boundaries. However, some things that can still be challenging are reading in between the lines, not communicating expectations soon enough, stereotypical gender roles, and most importantly, not knowing and discussing non-negotiables in a relationship early on." 

"If things get too fired up, it’s helpful to have some mutually agreed upon boundaries with regards to what your preferred way of conflict resolution is. It's important to get the difficult conversations out of the way and not let things go unaddressed. Setting a 24 hour timeline to take some time off and talk after emotions settle, knowing what triggers the other person, and talking about the possibility of professional intervention are ways to save your relationship from going sour." 

The Snarky Difference Between Talking And Communicating

Just because you’re speaking doesn’t mean you’re communicating. You could be saying all the words, but if your partner isn’t understanding your needs (or vice versa), you might as well be speaking different languages. It isn't just about expressing yourself—it’s about being heard, understood, and creating space for your partner to do the same. And that means trying to patiently explain things from different perspectives until you've understood each other. And no, yelling matches because you've let everything simmer inside you until bursting point doesn't count as communication.

Active Listening: The Real MVP

How often do you listen just to respond, instead of listening to understand? Yeah. I thought so. Active listening means actually absorbing what the other person is saying without mentally drafting your next rebuttal. It’s eye contact, it’s nodding, it’s those little "mmm-hmm" sounds that show you're engaged. It’s also asking, "What I’m hearing is…" to confirm you got the message right, before spiraling into an argument over something that was never even said.

Honesty, But Make It Constructive

Yes, honesty is crucial. But there’s a difference between saying "I didn’t like that" and "I feel hurt when that happens." The former sounds like an attack; the latter evokes emotion and empathy. No matter how inconvenient, you're going to have to be mindful about communicating your feelings in a way that strengthens your connection rather than tearing it down.

TL;DR

Good communication is more than just talking—it’s listening, understanding, and responding with care. It’s being clear about what you need respectfully and making space for your partner to do the same. It's never forgetting that the person you're talking to means the world to you, and life is a whimsical thing. So next time you hear "communication is key," make sure you actually have the right tools to unlock the door.