Love, Actually? How Valentine’s Day Hits Different Through The Decades

Valentine’s Day is like a rite of passage—you think it’ll be the same every year, but as you age, it morphs into something entirely different. In your 20s, it’s an unpredictable whirlwind of champagne-fueled highs and situationship-fueled lows. By your 30s, it becomes a carefully curated experience—whether that means fine dining or a night in with wine and zero forced romance. And by your 40s? You’ve cracked the code: Love is not a one-day event, it’s a state of being.

But let’s rewind and break it down—because if there’s one thing that changes more than your skincare routine in your 30s, it’s how you feel about February 14th.

Your 20s: The Chaos Era

Valentine’s Day in your 20s is basically a social experiment in emotional resilience. You either:

1. Overcommit to the bit. You’re planning matching outfits, scavenger hunts, and handwritten notes as if Nicholas Sparks himself were watching.

2. Claim you don’t care, but secretly do. It’s just another day—until your Instagram feed floods with bouquet deliveries, and you find yourself fake-smiling through it all.

3. Make regrettable decisions. Last-minute Bumble dates, texting exes, or convincing yourself that the guy who "doesn’t do labels” will magically have a change of heart.

At 23, I had a Valentine’s Day that involved a no-show date, three iced teas, and an emotionally charged group chat discussion about why men can’t commit. The reality? Valentine’s Day in your 20s is a roulette wheel—sometimes you win, sometimes you’re left rewatching Bridget Jones's Diary with pizza.

Your 30s: The Curated Era

By 33 (which is the age I identify with at least for the next 2 , the energy shifts. You’re not here for the theatrics—you’re here for the good vibes. Valentine’s Day is no longer a test of your desirability but a choice: Do I want to celebrate? And if so, how?

Now, my group chat looks like this:

• The planners: Booked the Michelin-starred restaurant in December, already discussing next year’s venue.

• The homebodies: Will light a Diptyque candle, order sushi, and enjoy their own company.

• The reluctant celebrators: May or may not say yes to a date, but only if it’s well thought-out.

At this stage, quality trumps quantity. If you’re celebrating, you expect thoughtful gestures—not a last-minute bouquet from the petrol station. If you’re single, you’re embracing the peace of not being with someone who doesn’t align with you. The Valentine’s Day pressure evaporates, leaving behind something far better: a day that actually feels good.

Your 40s: The IDGAF Era

By the time you hit your 40s, Valentine’s Day is exactly what you want it to be—and only that. You’re no longer proving anything to anyone. If you’re in a relationship, you already know what works. If you’re single, you’re thriving.

At this stage, romance is about consistency, not theatrics. You don’t need a one-night grand gesture because your love—whether for a partner, your friends, or yourself—is solid, steady, and secure.

Maybe you’re celebrating with a quiet weekend getaway, a solo spa day, or a laugh at how much you used to care. Either way, you’re in control, and that’s the real Valentine’s Day glow-up.

If Valentine’s Day teaches us anything, it’s that love isn’t a formula—it’s a feeling, a choice, and a reflection of where we are in life. The grand, unpredictable chaos of our 20s gives way to intentional romance in our 30s, and by our 40s, love is on our terms.

So whether you’re planning a big night out, ignoring the day completely, or somewhere in between, one thing is certain: The best Valentine’s Day is the one that makes you feel the most like yourself.