I’ve come back from a hectic day at work. And after travelling in a city filled with nothing but traffic, it is obvious that the first thing I’ll want to do once I’m home is take a nice shower, have dinner and then peacefully sit on my bed and binge-watch my favourite show. Naturally, I shut my bedroom door. It’s not even been five minutes and my mum walks inside (yes, of course without knocking) and questions my door is being closed. “Why do you need to keep your door shut?” she asks. “It’s not like you’re getting dressed. And even the air conditioner is not on.” And then she leaves without shutting my door. In our ongoing series of Decoding Mom Logic, we question why Indian mums or Indian parents, in general, have an issue when their kids keep the door shut for no reason at all and discuss the concept of privacy- something our parents ignore.
After socialising at work and then having a family dinner that involves discussions on how each other’s days went, all I want is to have my own space and listen to no one but the characters of my favourite show talking on the screen. That’s just reason number one. There are many more. There are times when I’m on a call with my boyfriend. Although my parents are totally cool with it and know that I’ve been dating the same guy for years, I still like to have the privacy of talking to him without others in my family listening in on our conversation.
On other occasions, I’m talking to my best friends about their sex lives. Now obviously I can’t talk about that in front of my mum. And then there are times when the kind of films I’m watching probably have explicit scenes so if my mum or worse, my dad barges in the room, it’s going to be hella awkward. What if I want to dance on a stupid Instagram reel trend without telling them or just record a video for my blog? Why aren’t these instances taken into consideration? And let’s not forget one of the biggest reasons–when my parents start having silly arguments. The door isn’t going to be wide open then, I need my peace.
But according to my mum, the only time it’s normal to shut the room door is when I’m out from my shower and need to get dressed, or when the air conditioner is on, or if I’m doing some important work on my laptop. The rest of it doesn’t count. When my mum wants to have some secret chat with my dad or have a gossip session with her friends, she coolly shuts the door. Hypocrisy, much?
It’s An Indian Parent Thing
My mother constantly thinks I’m on my phone when my door is shut. And I don’t know if this happens to you too but she always ends up entering my room when I’m glued to my phone. What kind of sixth sense do mothers have? Is there some supernatural power that alerts them when their kids are using their phone? There are times when I’m actually doing something constructive, so why does her sixth sense not work then? I really wonder.
Indian Parents Don’t Understand The Concept Of Privacy
Our parents believe that just because we’re a family, it’s okay to invade each other’s spaces. But what they don’t get is that once we grow up and turn into adults, we all have our individual lives and need privacy despite being one unit. And that’s okay. I mean, there’s a reason we all had so many nasty arguments with our family during the pandemic. Our generation isn’t used to staying at home 24×7.
Parents believe they’re being protective of their children and are safeguarding their interests. They feel controlling their lives is okay but they don’t realise this does more harm than good. I get that our parents feel like we’re their responsibility because we are staying with them but they need to understand that once we turn into adults, there are boundaries, even in a family and it’s completely alright to respect those boundaries. Their intrusive behaviour will only push their children away from them and make them more rebellious than they already are.
If your parents have an issue with you keeping your room door shut, talk to them about it in a calm manner. I know it’s easier said than done but communicating with your parents is extremely important. Let them know that your me-time and privacy is important to you, and if that involves blocking out all the noise by closing your bedroom door, it is absolutely okay. If they don’t understand even after you explain it to them for the tenth time, it’s time for you to move out and get your personal space. It might just mend your relationship with them.