I vividly remember the first time I engaged in some roleplay. Not only was it one of the most awkward situations I’ve been a part of, but it was also something that piqued my interest right from the get-go. If I’m being really honest, I was certainly worried about being judged for my choices, so I rarely ever brought this particular fantasy up with my partners.
But then, I watched one of my favourite couples onscreen, Claire and Phil from Modern Family spice up their relationship with some good ol’ roleplay. Clive Bixby and Julianna, anyone? The reason I always champion consenting adults to engage in some roleplay is that it could be the key to improving intimacy and pushing sexual boundaries.
What Is Roleplay?
I’m certain you’ve watched a fictional character onscreen and thought to yourself, “I wouldn’t mind putting on that costume and getting it on!” In layman’s terms, roleplay is mainly about but not limited to using costumes, props and certain dialogues to have some fun with your partner. For instance, putting on Princess Leia & Han Solo costumes and enacting scenes from Star Wars where the latter rescues the former is something I’ve personally enjoyed.
Roleplay lets you explore various aspects of your sexual energies, allows you to break boundaries of intimacy and also evidently, spices your sex life up. Your world in the bedroom is entirely different compared to your world outside of it. Roleplay can be the getaway for you to experiment with things such as dirty talk and also can help you channel parts of your personality that you weren’t aware existed.
Now, if you’re fascinated by roleplaying and wish to try it out, here are a few things that will make your journey easier.
Lay Down Your Boundaries Beforehand
With every sexual activity, discussing boundaries with your partner is crucial. Enthusiastic consent is definitely a must from both parties. Apart from this, ensuring that there is a safe word in place allows you or your partner to immediately withdraw from the roleplay, no questions asked. While sometimes certain activities sound exciting in theory, when actually practised could be deemed uncomfortable—hence, always lay your boundaries out there.
Communicate Your Preferences
If you’re a newbie to the world of roleplaying, navigating the pathway can be daunting. Sometimes broaching the topic of wanting to engage in roleplay can be equal parts awkward and nerve-wracking, even if that’s with a long-term partner. Crisp and clear communication is always the answer to everything! Communicate with your partner(s) about the kind of roles you want to take on in the bedroom, no matter how absurd you might think it is.
If you’ve been wanting to enact a scene with a man of authority reprimanding you, tell your partner that! An easy way to do this would be by slyly putting on a TV show or a movie that showcases the same and letting your partner know that you find a particular scene attractive. The entire idea about letting roleplay into your life is embracing the characters or the scenarios you wish to depict.
Understand That Fantasies Aren’t Perfect
A cardinal rule of roleplay is understanding that these scenarios are hardly ideal or politically correct. Certain situations with power dynamics involved could be deemed problematic however it is certainly imperative to remember that it needs to be a no judgement zone for your partner, and for you too. Many times a particular roleplay fantasy in the bedroom would be against your political or social beliefs. In your life outside the bedroom, you could be extremely conservative but inside the bedroom, you could still want to engage in a roleplay that displays your wildest side. Shame and judgement should be non-existent here as long as enthusiastic consent is in place.
Begin With Small Steps
Now quite understandably so, jumping right into roleplay can prove to be intimidating to most individuals. In your first attempt, you don’t have to pull out all stops and get into complicated costumes and use fancy props. It could be as simple as verbally communicating your fantasies and engaging in some steamy dirty talk. Say the magic words, “I love how you looked in that suit the other night, it made me think of some quite unholy things.” and watch your partner be surprised.