Our world turned digital in the wake of the pandemic and to a large extent our relationships did too. While sexting isn’t a must in relationships, it’s definitely a spicy addition. We’ve just started warming up to different aspects of sexual wellness, and sexting is right up there. While this might not make for dinner table conversation, everyone enjoys some steamy sexts from time to time. What’s not to like? It’s sexy, it’s intimate and it can really push you to explore the intricacies of your relationship.
Tanisha RK, Chief of Social Voice at the Sangya Project explains that “No sexual act is essential to a dynamic, and a lot of relationships thrive beautifully with no sexual acts at all or even waves of sexual engagement that come and go. However, sexting can add a lot of intimacy and unveil what one likes and dislikes. It holds the reigns to give you a script for new acts, fantasies, positions, or roles you may want to experience with your partner, along with making periods of physical distance feel less daunting and lonely,” adds Tanisha. Sexting has the power to make one feel comfortable enough to articulate desires and boundaries one isn’t comfortable sharing in person.
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While in theory sexting sounds pretty raunchy, in practice it could be a little daunting to manoeuvre through, especially if you’re new to the concept. Here are a few things to keep in mind before you hit send on that racy message.
Consent & Boundaries Come First
Consent must always be at the root of any activity you’d like to engage in with your partner, sexual or not. Once you begin toying with the idea of spicing up your relationship, obtaining consent and defining boundaries is extremely crucial. Understanding the levels of exploration your partner is on board with will allow you to set a few rules and regulations regarding sexting. Tanisha agrees and adds, “Don’t aim for surprises or spontaneity before discussing even the smallest limits and boundaries. In fact, when you have a better idea of what exactly it is that you’re consenting to, you can play around a lot more.”
What you can say: “Hey, I’ve been thinking of you all day. Would you like to know what’s on my mind?”
Communicate Your Likes & Dislikes
If there’s anything I’ve realised with time is what massive a role communication plays in setting the tone for your sexual escapades. Letting your partner know what you prefer and what you dislike will always take pleasure up a notch, even if that’s virtual. With sexting, not everyone enjoys going from 0 to 100 in a jiffy, some enjoy taking it slow and steady. Especially because it can be awkward for some. “We aren’t always aware of what our partners may find uncomfortable or triggering and sexting can be one medium to discover how your partner likes to talk about their own body, what kind of role they like to play, what kind of control they wish to have when you play together, and so much more.” Tanisha emphasises.
What you can say: “I really like it when you trace your fingers on my neck. It turns me on so much!”
Begin With Compliments
Hey, we predicted praise kinks are going to be everywhere this year! To most, navigating the waters of sexting can be a little awkward. An easy first step would be to begin by offering cheeky compliments to your partner. Everybody enjoys a little validation and it’s a great place to start if you’re testing the waters.
What you can say: “That black dress you were wearing last night makes your body look so hot.”
We’ve experienced an intensely steamy sexual fantasy on a random morning. Sexting gives a nudge towards allowing you to explore your wildest fantasy with your partner. Bringing up a fantasy in an everyday conversation isn’t always the best idea, sexting lets you break that ice!
What you can say: “All I can think of right now is blindfolding you, and slowly going down on you.”
Take It Slow
I think we could all unanimously agree that foreplay is a great starting point. Just like it builds up a lot of steam IRL, taking it slow and indulging in foreplay when you’re sexting is hot. You don’t have to get to the point at the very beginning. Telling your partner how you make them feel and expressing what you’d like them to do to you is virtual foreplay.
What you can say: “Every time your eyes are on me, I feel like grabbing you by the waist.”
At the end of the day, you could be confident about your preferences in the bedroom, but graphic texts and other nuances of sexting could end up resulting in helping you and your partner discover new facets of your sexuality.