Let’s face it: we all have a ‘type’ when it comes to relationships. But how has sticking to it treated you so far? Yep, it’s time to break out of your dating comfort zone and see what else is out there.
If you keep dating the same type and getting the same disappointing results, it’s time to ask yourself why you’re being such a masochist. Einstein famously said that insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting different results. So, unless you’re aiming for a PhD in heartbreak, it’s time to break those patterns. Dating beyond your type can help you avoid the pitfalls of past relationships and open your eyes to new possibilities.
What Is Your ‘Type’? (And Why Should You Get Over It…)
First off, your ‘type’ is a combination of societal conditioning, your first crush, and your insecurities. You’ve unconsciously put yourself in a safe, comfortable box, but guess what? That box is also your prison. Sticking to your type is like eating the same meal every day. And eventually, it gets boring as hell.
I’ve seen countless people stick to their type and end up miserable. Why? Because they focus on superficial traits rather than what truly matters in a relationship—things like shared values, mutual respect, and emotional compatibility. When you date outside your type, you start to see what really matters, and it’s rarely what you initially thought.
Your type is a mixture of, well, you—your social conditioning, your first crush and your insecurities, Sera Bozza says.
Building Genuine Connections
When you’re not focused on finding someone who fits a specific mould, you’re more likely to connect with people on a deeper level. Instead of ticking off boxes on a checklist (trust fund, 6’5, blue eyes…), you get to know the person for who they truly are. This can lead to more authentic and meaningful relationships.
Dating outside your type can also teach you much about your biases and preconceptions. Some of the traits you thought were deal-breakers are actually not that important. Or you might discover that some of the things you thought you needed in a partner are holding you back.
Understanding Your Attachment Style
From a psychological standpoint, sticking to your type can often mean repeating unhealthy attachment patterns. If you tend to go for the same kind of person who inevitably brings out your worst fears and insecurities, you’re stuck in a terrible and draining loop. Dating outside your type can help you break free from those destructive patterns and form healthier, more secure attachments.
A lot of people stick to their type because they’re afraid of the unknown. It’s a control thing. But here’s the kicker: real growth happens outside your comfort zone. By dating someone different, you confront and overcome your fears, which ultimately makes you a stronger and more resilient person—and, the last time I checked, a better partner!
There’s A Lot Of ‘You‘ In Your ‘Type‘
Here’s a thought: Your type isn’t just who you’re attracted to—it’s who you are when you’re with them. So, if your type hasn’t worked out, maybe it’s time to become someone else’s type. That doesn’t mean changing who you are but expanding who you can be. When you date someone different, you allow yourself to grow in ways you never imagined.
If you date the same type, you’re always playing the same role and walking into the relationship with the same story. But when you date someone different, you might find new parts of yourself emerging. Maybe you will discover a new hobby or interest. Maybe you develop new skills or perspectives. Maybe you become more patient, more adventurous, more open-minded.
By dating outside your type, you’re not just expanding your dating pool—you’re expanding yourself. You’re growing, learning, and becoming more well-rounded, empathetic, and interesting. And that’s the kind of person who will attract a high-quality partner, regardless of their ‘type.’
How To Stop Dating Your ‘Type’
So, should you date outside your type? Absolutely. You’ll break old patterns, discover new traits, expand your horizons, and build genuine connections. Plus, you’ll have a hell of a lot more fun along the way.
When it comes to the apps, you can start by changing your search filters, slowing down and consciously swiping on profiles you wouldn’t have otherwise, or using the matchmaker feature to delegate your swiping to your friends. IRL, you can ask friends to set you up with “the opposite” of your type or attend more in-person events with a mixed bag of guests. Stop limiting yourself and start exploring. You might be surprised at what you find.
Read the original article in ELLE AUSTRALIA
