Who Should Pay On The First Date? The Debate That Won’t Die…

Picture this: You’re on a first date. The cocktails are strong, the conversation stronger. Bite-sized delights keep landing at your table. There’s some flirty knee-grazing, lingering eye contact, and then – drumroll – the moment of truth arrives: the bill.

So, what’s your next move? Are you going for the classic fake wallet fumble? Excusing yourself for a suspicious restroom dash? Handing over a card that you know is going to bounce? Or maybe you’re opting for the boldest play – squinting at the ceiling and pretending you didn’t see the server drop the bill, because wow, who knew the lighting fixtures were that fascinating?

Before you start answering that like you’re on an episode of Kaun Banega Crorepati, here’s a sitch (because that’s what they’re calling it nowadays) straight out of this author’s life. On my first date with my now partner, we bowled terribly, laughed harder, and danced to every single 2000s Bollywood banger there was. When the night wrapped up, I suggested splitting the bill, because why not? But this 6-foot-2 man looked me dead in the eye and gave me a response that was equal parts cliché and cute. “You can pay me by going on another date with me,” he said. Fast forward to today, and it’s like I’ve become invisible to servers. They slide the check directly to him, as though some unwritten rule dictates that he’s the one who must settle it. And that’s where the nuance gets messy, to say the least.

Because if there’s one truth we can’t ignore, it’s this: in heterosexual relationships especially, men end up footing the bill more than women do, and there’s a heavy, unspoken expectation that they should.

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Where It Stems From

Once upon a (not-so-fair) time, men were cast as the mighty providers and protectors, while women were typecast as homemakers and caretakers. So, of course, picking up the bill was slotted into the ‘man’s job’ category, along with chopping firewood and fighting bears. Come the early 1900s, and “courting” was a full-blown thing. Men were expected to cover every outing, not because women didn’t want to pay, but because society had convinced everyone that a woman even reaching for her purse was… scandalous. Then came the era of chivalry, where the phrase “a gentleman always pays” strutted in, wearing a shiny suit of armour and walking with its chest puffed out like it owned the restaurant. And let’s not forget the ‘investment mentality’ (ugh). The idea that if a man spends money on a date, it’s proof he’s interested, as if affection can be measured in currency or the number of zeroes on his credit card bill. It’s a mindset not too far from what’s now being called the performative male epidemic, where outdated expectations of masculinity continue to shape modern dating dynamics.

And while many women appreciate the gesture (most of the time), there’s also a collective eye-roll at the assumption that they shouldn’t contribute.

The Rule Everyone Can Get Behind

When it comes to first dates, there’s one rule that most people can agree on: if you do the asking, you do the paying. It’s simple, it’s fair, and it sets a tone of courtesy without dipping into outdated gender scripts. The beauty of this rule? Once you survive the awkward early dating phase, money talks get easier. Whether it’s taking turns to pay, dividing things down the middle, or agreeing that one covers dinner and the other picks up the movie tickets, you’re sure to find your groove.

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What About Equality?

With the Gen Z-fication of any and everything, particularly relationships, we all seem to be up to speed on trends and practices like micromancing and financial fairness. With consideration being the ultimate ask, some argue that splitting bills from day one is the ultimate sign of modern equality. Others feel that offering to pay is simply an act of generosity, not a power move or some outdated ritual. Both perspectives are valid. Picking up the tab need not always be about power moves or gender roles. Sometimes, it’s simply a gesture of kindness, or a way of saying, “I like you, and I want to do this again.”

What About LGBTQIA+ Dating?

With no knight in shining armour expected, the dynamics in queer relationships shift refreshingly. There’s less reliance on traditional gender roles and more focus on communication and figuring out what feels fair to the people involved. Queer dating often thrives on fluidity and balance, and honestly, isn’t that the kind of energy all relationships could use?

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So, Who Should Pay On A Date In 2025?

Here’s the real answer: It’s less about who pays and more about how you handle the moment. Our advice? Just be spontaneous about it. If you both seem like picking up the bill isn’t that big a deal, just split it evenly or go Dutch – whatever works for you. However, if your date has spent a majority of their time looking at their phone or talking about themself, you’ll want to grab the bill just to cut the night short. If you’re still in doubt, keep these rules of thumb in mind:

• For a drinks-only date, skip the ‘who’s paying for which round’ debate. Think partnership vibes: “Can you grab me another beer while I snag us a table that doesn’t feel like an icebox?”
• If your date insists on paying, make one last polite attempt at “Are you sure?” Then put your card away.
• If your date orders an ₹8000 bottle of Scotch that you neither wanted nor touched, and suddenly expects you to split it? Feel free to mentally send them the bill and the red flag.
• And if your Hinge date hits you with a Google Pay request instead of a “Did you reach home safe?” text, especially after forcing you to “just let me pay,” – you already know where that block button lives.

In the end, the only thing you’ll remember about the night isn’t who paid for the burgers, but how they looked at you while you were eating them. Because if the vibe checks out, the date’s already paid for itself.

Also, read:

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