The Curse Of Being ‘The Girl He Dates Before Finding The One'

The emotional ‘scaffolding’ that teaches you to communicate, commit and most importantly–apply sunscreen, might end up not being the one. And that sucks. Especially when you’re not that person. There’s a wretched purgatory you best believe, for the ones riddled by this curse, as they themselves like to call it. ‘The girl he dates before finding the one.’ The final draft, the punchline, the precursor. Spoiler: it sucks. 

“I feel like the constant nagging that I do is creeping into his subconscious,” said one woman, anonymously. “And although he’s not acting on it now, once I’m out of his life, he’ll do everything I asked for—but for another girl. He’ll be perfect for her, and I’ll just be a stepping stone in his relationship life.” 

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Emotional gentrification? Looks like it, especially to the person involved. But not everyone echoes the same sentiment. When I was thinking out loud during the first draft of my story, my colleague Vishkha Punjabi dryly stated, “I don’t think anyone has ever found anyone after me. Only hell.” Now top it up with a hyena-like laugh from my end. 

It’s like I’m the TED Talk before they go to therapy and fall in love with their yoga instructor. Maybe I’m just incredibly good at making people realise they need to sort their lives out and unfortunately, that sorting doesn’t seem to include me. Still, I’d rather be the woman who made an impact than the one who was just there for aesthetics.

But for those who harbour a bit of hurt and disdain, moving on isn’t a cakewalk when you’ve been the character development arc, only for them to become a slightly more evolved version of themselves for someone else. “It’s like I’m the TED Talk before they go to therapy and fall in love with their yoga instructor. Maybe I’m just incredibly good at making people realise they need to sort their lives out and unfortunately, that sorting doesn’t seem to include me. Still, I’d rather be the woman who made an impact than the one who was just there for aesthetics. Because while they might forget my birthday, trust me, they’ll never forget the girl who made them cry, rethink their life, and finally call their mother back,” adds Ekta Sinha. Damn, that hit.

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And of course, there’s always a sting. Because deep down, you want to be the person they choose, not just the person who made them realise they could. But apparently, sometimes you’re more of a plot twist than a happy ending. Sinha concludes with a truth bomb, “But hey, if I’m the girl before the girl, at least I’m unforgettable.” Mic drop.
Another pre-the-one alumni Sanya (name changed) quipped, “I was the blueprint for someone else’s happy ending. He thanked me in a way people thank teachers at retirement parties—grateful, respectful, and just a bit relieved it’s over.” Welcome to being the emotional Airbnb for emotionally stunted men, the final destination shall arrive soon, only thing–you’re not in it. Feels like a slap, but trust me good riddance often comes wrapped, in disguise. You’ll know later.

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Janhvi, an old friend prepping for her CAT exams identifies as a walking talking wake-up call. This has happened to her not once, but thrice. “At this point I’m like a spiritual retreat. But I’ve also been mine. Turns out the lesson comes with its own glow-up.” Now that’s a good way to look at things, despite all the curveballs life throws at you. She's a fighter I tell you. One may often confuse this with a ‘oh I can fix him’ attitude, but it’s more than that. Charity, yes, maybe a little. 

One mighty conclusion I can arrive at, after speaking with all these women–even if they were the girls before ‘The One,’ they are also the reason why he ever became worthy of someone else in the first place. And that’s pretty cool if you ask me. So men, treat your women better. And maybe, try therapy. And girls, maybe try not putting yourselves in situations that’ll leave you with no choice but to pursue therapy aggressively. While I’m a staunch supporter of therapy even when things are going right in one’s life, you have to STOP pushing yourselves off the ledge in the realm of dating, my dearest women. Stay safe, stay fabulous. And stay happy.

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