Who doesn’t enjoy a good compliment? I’m elated when my manager tells me I’ve done a good job on a new project. I’m over the moon when my mother says she’s proud of all I’ve achieved. When my gym crush compliments me for my dress, I go red in the cheeks. Yep, words of affirmation are my thing. This has slowly found its way to the bedroom too. If you find yourself getting turned on every time you’re complimented in the middle of a sexual activity, chances are you have a thing (or more) for praise kink.
In the ever-dynamic universe of kinks, the praise kink is one of the most common ones. Romance and erotic novels are rife with characters using it to get their partners going. When it comes to BDSM and the underlying power dynamics involved in it, the praise kink gives a dominant partner the perfect way to keep their submissive in check. However, there is a fine line between blushing as a response to a compliment and body eliciting a sexual response because of it. If you experience the latter, the praise kink got you good.
What Exactly Is A Praise Kink?
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First, it’s important to know what a kink is. With the term widely being used in pop culture there’s bound to be a lot of misinformation surrounding it. A kink is usually an unconventional action before or during a sexual act which guarantees a positive response. A praise kink is when an individual feels sexually aroused when they receive praise or some kind of positive approval for their actions. Vastly different from a fetish, which is needed for individuals to get off, a kink is just something that amplifies arousal.
Stephani Goerlich, a certified sex therapist and board-certified clinical sexologist at Bound Together Counseling in a conversation with insider.com revealed the reason why individuals get turned on after receiving a compliment. “Receiving praise from anyone activates the ventral striatum, one of the reward centres of the brain. The striatum then releases dopamine which triggers a physiological response in the brain, very similar to an orgasm, leaving us happy and satisfied”, she explains.
Why Do People Develop Praise Kinks?
Before we dive deeper into how and why praise kinks develop, it’s crucial to bust a myth that kinks or sexual preferences always stem from any kind of trauma. Lajya Nayak, a consultant psychologist strongly agrees and says, “When we see kinks through a trauma lens, we often make them out to be something that needs to be fixed, which is so wrong.” She further ridicules the notion of kinks only being developed in your childhood and believes that these can be adopted later on in life too, while exploring our sexuality. However, there are times when kinks find their roots in an individual’s childhood. “Childhood experiences for a lot of people have been devoid of basic recognition and praise, and this directly translates to the desire for it in a sexual space,” explains Lajya.
While feeling gratified after receiving a compliment and being turned on by one are vastly different, there’s a similar feeling of satisfaction involved in a praise kink. Lajya brings up Dr Gary Chapman’s five love languages and adds that words of affirmation along with acts of service do play a role in the development of a praise kink.
How Can You Explore A Praise Kink?
Introducing any kink into your sexual life beckons you to have transparent communication with your partner(s) about consent and boundaries. Aliyah Moore, certified sex therapist and relationship expert at Sexual Alpha agrees with this. She says, “Communicating with your partner about the kind of praise kinks you enjoy will set the tone for your journey” If phrases such as ‘good girl’ or ‘you really know how to…..’ get you going, share these preferences with your partner to provide them with a clear starting point for your exploration.
“Stepping into the world of praise kink isn’t merely about the fondness for flattery or compliments, it’s a deeper desire that involves experiencing a sexual thrill or even a pulse of arousal which comes from hearing explicit and carefully articulated words of praise” says Aliyah. She advises that the best way to know what praise your partner is enjoying the most is by paying attention to how they respond. If you notice your partner’s breathing getting heavier by the minute, a spark in their eyes and a sudden urge to get racy, then it’s no secret that they’re turned on.
At the end of the day, knowing what kind of praise turns your partner on is of utmost importance. For instance, your partner could like coupling up their praise kink with a degradation one or they could enjoy a simple compliment. Sometimes instead of compliments, individuals are even turned on by simple commands.
Here’s What You Can Say
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- “You’re such a good girl/boy.”
- “You’re doing this so well”
- “All I want to do is worship you”
- “You look beautiful when you do that”
- “Just like that, it feels so good”
- “Your gaze just drives me crazy”
- “I love it when your fingers trace down me like that”
- “You know exactly how to turn me on”
